What Everyone With A Student Loan Needs

From The Jenkins

A lorry has shed its load of electrical goods on the M57 in Liverpool.

Police said the road will be closed for about 5 minutes.

Observer Effect Day

From The Jenkins

My geography teacher asked me if I could name a country with no R in it.

I said, “No way”.

Pointless Studying

 From The Jenkins

A limerick:

 

(12 + 144 + 20 + 3√4) / 7 + (5 x 11) = 9² + 0

 

or to put it another way:

 

A dozen, a gross, and a score

Plus three times the square root of four

Divided by seven

Plus five times eleven

Is nine squared and not a bit more

Number Scrabble

From The Jenkins

Throwing Scrabble tiles around the room is all fun and games until somebody loses an i.

Test On Thursday

From The Jenkins

Harry went to his doctor on Thursday to review his test results.

The Doctor told him that he has both good news and bad news.

"The good news is you have 48 hours to live," he said to Harry.

"The bad news is I should have told you on Tuesday."

Disappointment

From The Jenkins

I bought a can of fly spray from the supermarket yesterday.

First thing this morning I sprayed it all over myself.

I'm very disappointed; I still can't fly.

Boarding Privileges

From The Jenkins

The longest drum solo ever was 11 hours and 23 minutes and was performed by the little brat sitting behind me on flight TG811 from Heathrow to Bangkok.

Airport Lounges Are More Comfortable Than Planes

From The Jenkins

I went to buy an aeroplane today.

The sales assistant asked me if I wanted to keep the hangar!

Opinion

From The Jenkins

I'd love to get in touch with Emilio Esteves.

Does anyone have his emailio addressteves?

Dapper Mechanic

From The Jenkins

The jumper that I got for Christmas kept picking up static electricity.

So, I took it back to the shop it came from to see what they could do about it.

They exchanged it for another free of charge.

Lost Lenses

From The Jenkins

To the person who stole my glasses. I will find you, I've got contacts.

AI Image Generation

From The Jenkins

An AI algorithm walks into a bar and says,

"I'll have what everyone else is having."

Ball Boy Strike

From The Jenkins

A Serbian tennis player walks into a bar

The bartender says, "What is this, some kind of Djok?"

Forty Day Provisions

From The Jenkins

What do you call a distant sponge?

A loofah.

Danger Sign

From The Jenkins

I heard they’re making an air freshener that is controlled by your mind.

I know it sounds crazy but it makes scents when you think about it.

Shopping List

FromThe Jenkins

I started crying when Dad was chopping Onions.

Onions was such a good dog.

Dinosaur Museum

From The Jenkins

Why are the Great Pyramids in Egypt?

Because they were too heavy to carry to the British Museum.

English Lit : Lord Of The Flies

From The Jenkins

My English teacher looked my way and said, "Name two pronouns".

I said, "Who, me?"

Choice

From The Jenkins

Which of the following is a dangerous disease?

 

A) Bola

B) Bola

C) Bola

D) Bola

E) Bola

Tough Pictionary Round

From The Jenkins

The guy at pump 6 next to me put a fiver's worth of petrol in his car.

I thought - where's he going, pump 2?