Fortune Teller Interview

From Twonk Comics

Fortune Teller Buying Clothes

Shop Assistant: How about this one?

Fortune Teller: That shirt is too small

Shop Assistant: You didn't even try it on

Fortune Teller: I'm a medium

When You Buy Toilet Roll

From LunarBaboon

A guy is picking up his kids at school when he sees another kid and says loudly, "oh wow, what an ugly kid!"

The person standing next to him says, "careful mister, he's my son."

The guy, feeling pretty embarrassed, replies "oh man, I'm sorry, I didn't know you were his father."

"I'm not", the other parent replies, "I'm his mum."

Supermarket Loyalty

From Rhymes With Orange

I just bought two pints of milk from Aldi.

It was an impulse buy.

I only went in for a trombone, a wet suit and an angle grinder.

Ladies Night

From Jon Adams / Cityclops

Don't forget to buy enough food for 27 days today as the shops will be shut for 48 hours over Christmas.

Hang In There Fellas, Not Long Now

On Christmas Eve last year I told my wife I was popping to the shops.

She said, "While you're there, can you get some fairy liquid, detergent and some dishwasher tablets.

I said, "Can't you wait till tomorrow when you open your presents?"

Christmas Tree-t

From Buni Comic

'Tis the season where we say 'tis instead of it's.

Pet Pranks

From Bliss

I managed to get all my Christmas shopping done this morning.

I hope that everyone likes Halloween costumes.

Hammy's Grocery

From Rhymes With Orange

I went to the shop the other day to buy half a dozen cans of Sprite.

It was only when I got home that I realised that I'd picked 7 up.

Santapede

From Looks Good On Paper

Just 2 more sleeps until blokes start shopping for that perfect gift.

Shopping Shame

From OffTheMark 

I've been paying £3 a month to the Cats Protection League for over a year.

I missed the payment last week and they've just been round and broken my cat's legs.

Shopping On The Plains

From Farcus

A husband in the shower calls to his wife, "I can't find the shampoo, where is it?"

His wife replies, "It's next to the conditioner on the shelf."

The husband shouts back, "That one's no good, it says on the bottle that it's for dry hair, and I've got mine wet."

Fast Service

From Rhymes With Orange

They say a dog can retrieve a tennis ball from over a kilometre away.

That seems a bit far‑fetched to me.

Email Receipt

From System 32 Comics

[shopping]

Girlfriend: "Babe, I really love these shoes but I left my purse at home"

Me: "How much are they?"

Girlfriend: "£750"

Me: *opens wallet*

Girlfriend: [excited]

Me: "Here's £10. Get a taxi and go and fetch your purse. I'll wait for you here".

Realistic Supermarket

From Faceless

A sweater I purchased was picking up static electricity, so I returned it to the shop.

They gave me another one free of charge.

Bakery

From JimBenton

I was shopping in Tesco the other day and there was a weird looking child running around the place like a lunatic.

So, I said to the bloke standing next to me, "Whoa. That is one ugly kid running around."

He looked at me and snarled, "That is my son."

I baulked and said, "Sorry, mate. I didn't realise you were his dad."

He said, "I'm not. I'm his mother."

Cursed Goals

From xkcd

From Pearls Before Swine

Are we purchasing school clothes or more alcohol in August? Just asking for a friend.

2020 Shopping Problem

I can't wait for the non-essential shops to reopen. I've got loads of non-essential shopping that I really don't need to do.

Families In Lockdown

From James Breakwell

From James Breakwell

From James Breakwell

Shopping For Essentials

From The Bent Pinky by Scott Metzger

From Rhymes With Orange

Outside

From Wrong Hands