After her son turned 10 years old his mother started to think that he looked a little strange so she did a DNA test and found out the child is not hers.
She told her husband what she had discovered.
Her husband replied, "Ah, you don't remember do you?
When we were leaving the hospital, the baby pooped into its nappy and you told me to go and change him.
So, l went inside, got a clean one and left the dirty one there".
The wife fainted.
Doctor: (handing me my new born baby) I'm sorry but your wife didn't make it.
Me: (handing baby back to him) Bring me the one my wife made.
The nurse told the parents of a newly born child, "You have a cute baby."
The smiling husband said, "I bet you say that to all new parents."
"No," she replied, "just to those whose babies really are good-looking."
The husband again asked "So what do you say to the others?"
The nurse replied, "The baby looks just like you."
I went to visit a friend at the hospital and the only parking spot was at the C section.
I had to climb out of the car through the sunroof.
When I was a kid, I used to pray every night for a new bike.
Then I realised that The Lord doesn't work that way, so I stole one and asked him to forgive me.
From The Perry Bible Fellowship
My mate set me up on a blind date.
He said, "She's a lovely girl, but there's something you should know. She's expecting a baby."
I felt like a right idiot waiting in the pub wearing nothing but a nappy!
While driving home from the store yesterday evening my wife told me she wants another baby.
I said, "That's wonderful! I don't really like this one either."
After 10 years, the wife starts to think their kid looks strange so she decides to do a DNA test.
She finds out that the kid is actually from completely different parents.
Wife: "Honey, I have something very serious to tell you."
Husband: "What's up?"
Wife: "According to DNA test results, this is not our kid."
Husband: "We already knew that, you remember, don't you?
When we were leaving the hospital, we noticed that our baby had soiled the nappy we'd just put on him. And you said:
'Please go change the baby, I'll wait for you here.'"
How much "No More Tears" shampoo do you have to rub into a baby's eyes before it stops crying?
Being popular on Facebook is like sitting at the cool table in the cafeteria of a mental hospital.
I had a vasectomy so that my wife wouldn't get pregnant.
But it turns out that all it does is change the colour of your baby's hair.
"How do you fancy having the best sex you ever dreamed of darling?" I asked the drop dead gorgeous young lady in the pub last night.
She looked at me with utter disdain and said "No I bloody well don't fancy that at all!"
I said "Well, I'm your man then!"
