Cats Putting Up The Christmas Tree

From Break of Day

Santa played a round of golf this morning to help him relax before his big day and he hit a birdie.

It was a partridge on a par 3.

Special Show

From Speedbump

I can't believe that there are still 7 weeks until pancake day and already the shops are selling bread and flour.

House Entrance

From War and Peas

Please don't forget . . .

. . . the scales get put back one stone tonight.

Santapede

From Looks Good On Paper

Just 2 more sleeps until blokes start shopping for that perfect gift.

Harsh Economics Lesson

From Wumo

I've just got the wife's Christmas present.

I hope that it's one that she likes.

It's called Tester.

Excuse

From Reality Check

Three guys decide to stop for a drink after work on Christmas Eve.

One thing leads to another and they end up on an all night pub crawl.

While going to one last place, they get in a terrible accident and all three are killed.

They find themselves standing in front of the Pearly Gates.

St Peter tells them, "Boys, you're in luck. Since it's Christmas, we have a special policy. Show me anything that shows that you're celebrating the day, and you get into Heaven."

One guy pulls out his lighter and flicks it. "Christmas candle."

"OK, it's a stretch, but you're in."

Second guy pulls out his keys and jingles them. "Christmas bells."

"Whatever, you're in."

Third guy pulls a pair of women's panties out of his pocket.

St. Peter says, "Hold up. I'm willing to stretch a point today, but what do panties have to do with Christmas?"

"They're Carol's."

Why Christmas Is In Winter

What present did the the boy with no arms get for Christmas?

I don't know, he hasn't opened it yet.

Checking The Situation

From Moderately Confused

Hot Tub

Santa Claus, the Truth

From Buni Comic

Visiting Santa

From Speedbump

Santa Delivers

From Cyanide & Happiness

My wife has begun hinting that she wants something black and lacy for Christmas.

So, I've bought her a pair of football boots.

Smooth Operator

From Bogart Creek

Safety Santa

From Moderately Confused

From OffTheMark

From Looks Good On Paper

Visiting Santa

From Moderately Confused

Tier System

UK warned it faces 'a tough Christmas' after man trying to make sense of tier system says he'll probably leave it this year:

 - HIGNFY

Getting to grips with the rules:

Can people from different households meet?

No

What about the pub?

Yes

 

Can you meet in groups over 6?

No?

What about schools?

Yes

 

Can people go to the theatre if they are wearing masks?

No

What about an aeroplane?

Yes

 

Do you know what you're doing?

Yes

Really?

No

After Santa's Retirement

From TheArgyleSweater

Santa Is Dead

From The Perry Bible Fellowship

Bumper Sticker

Gandalf Dolls

From Scott Metzger