Opposites Attract

From Mark Lynch

Why do polar bears only live at the north pole?

Because if they also lived at the south pole, they would be bipolar bears.

Penguin Crossing

From Mark Lynch

Lollipop ladies make me cross!

Dreams Of Flying

From Remi Lascault

I bought my nephew a caterpillar cake without checking the best before date, so now he's got a butterfly cake.

Providers

From Strange Brew

I couldn't find any Oxo cubes in the supermarket today.

They must be out of stock.

Penguin Problems

From Rhymes With Orange

When we visited the Eiffel Tower my twin brother walked up the stairs, but I took the lift.

I guess we are raised differently.

The Times They Are A Changing

From New Tricks by ES Glenn

Me: "Bob, it's pronounced CHANGING, not a-changin'"

Bob Dylan: ?

Me: "Can someone teach Bob to say CHANGE?"

*David Bowie stands up*

Me: "Not you"

At The End Of The Penguin Party

From Rhymes With Orange

My husband is going to a fancy dress party tonight.

For some reason he's decided to go as a Rastafarian and I'm doing his hair.

I'm dreading it.

Field Trip

From Bizarro

Do you ever wake up, kiss the person sleeping beside you and feel glad that you're alive?

I just did; and I've been told I'll never be able to fly with Jet2 again!

Playbird

From The Argyle Sweater

I thought I spotted a German sausage flying past my window,

but when I looked again I saw that it was just a seabird.

I thought, my eyesight has certainly taken a tern for the wurst.

Mating Season

From Mark Lynch

People used to think that Liverpool fans smell; but it's just that they never wore cologne.

Great Wikipedia Edit

I received an award from the Royal College of Music for "Outstanding contribution to Bagpipes".

I asked, "Why me, I've never even played the bagpipes?"

They said, "Precisely, if only there were more people like you in the world!"

Sneezes Always Come In Threes

From Liniers Cartoon

From Liniers Cartoon

From Liniers Cartoon

Who decided to call it a chemist and not a coughy shop?

Happy Encounter

From The Argyle Sweater

Why did the Penguin open his umbrella at Batman's family reunion?

Because it was a Wayne-y day.

Pengtastic

From Liniers Cartoon

Who is a penguin's favourite family member?

Aunt Arctic.

Small Zoo

From The Surreal McCoy

I was out all night collecting badgers.

I've nearly got a full set.

Lockdown Sports - Penguin Racing

Threesome

 

The Surreal McCoy

From Money To Happiness

Deer Seal, Elephant Swan, Antelope Pengiun

Predictable Player

From Liz Climo