Social Media or Some Weird Cult?

From Wrong Hands

My 4 year old son said, "Daddy, why do people make up things that their children have said for social media?

Isn't it just inherently dishonest and indicative of inability to construct a compelling narrative themselves?"

Goldilocks Epilogue

From Wrong Hands

It's called 'Getting your guns out' because you have the right to bare arms.

Writer's Block

From Wrong Hands

I got kicked out of our Writers Block support group today

It made me really

Phonetically Defined 6

From Wrong Hands

Phonetically Defined 5

From Wrong Hands

Phonetically Defined 4

From Wrong Hands

Phonetically Defined 3

From Wrong Hands

Phonetically Defined 2

From Wrong Hands

Phonetically Defined 1

From Wrong Hands

Stereotypes

From Wrong Hands

Interesting Fact

Spandau Ballet only had one UK number one single.

That is True.

An AI Halloween

From Wrong Hands

I'm not going to be buying any apples this Hallowe'en.

That should save me a bob or two.

Murphy's Lawn

From Wrong Hands

I read that, by law, you have to turn on your headlights when it's raining in Sweden.

It's so difficult; how am I supposed to know if it's raining in Sweden?

Epithet Heirarchy

From Wrong Hands

A petrol station owner in Newport was trying to increase his sales, so he put up a sign that read, 'A Chance to win Free Sex with a Fill Up'.

Frank pulled in the following week, filled his tank and asked for his free sex.

The owner told him to pick a number from 1 to 10.

If he guessed correctly, he would get his free sex.

Frank guessed 8, and the proprietor said, "You were close. The number was 7. Sorry. No sex this time."

A week later, Frank, along with his friend Burt, pulled in for another fill-up.

Again, he asked for his free sex.

The proprietor again gave him the same story, and asked him to guess the correct number.

Frank guessed 2.

The proprietor said, "Sorry, it was 3.

You were close, but no free sex this time."

As they were driving away, Burt said to Frank, "I think that game is rigged and he doesn't really give away free sex at all.

"Frank replied, "No, no, it's genuine enough Burt. My wife won twice last week."

Non-Stick Pan

From Andertoons

From Wrong Hands

Never let it be said that I censor people.

Types Of Ghost

From Wrong Hands

At a lecture on the paranormal the presenter asked, "How many people believe in Ghosts?"

About 60 hands go up.

"How many have seen a ghost.?"

About 15 hands go up.

"How many of you have spoken to a ghost.?"

3 hands go up.

"How many have had sex with a ghost?"

One hand goes up, Lewis right at the back.

The speaker says to Lewis, "I have been doing this for 40 years and you are the first that has claimed to have had sex with a ghost. Why don't you come forward and tell us about it?"

Lewis shuffles forward looking a bit sheepish and says, "Sorry I couldn't hear you from the back, I thought you said goats."

Busman's Holiday

From Wrong Hands

My auntie Marge has been ill for so long we changed her name to 'I can't believe she's not better'.

Beak Shape

From Wrong Hands

A vulture walked into an aeroplane dragging some mangled roadkill in its beak.

The stewardess looks down in distaste, and asks "Wouldn't you prefer to put that in the checked luggage compartment?"

"No thanks", replies the vulture "it's carrion."

The Lesser Of Two Evels

From Wrong Hands

I may not be the brightest crayon in the tool shed but at least I'm great at analogies.

Rural Monopoly

From Wrong Hands

Just a little update on the situation with my son because some of you have been fairly concerned.

He has taken going to jail pretty hard. He is refusing all food, spitting and screaming at everyone and is threatening violence at anyone who comes near him. He has smeared the walls with his faeces and is refusing to wear any clothes.

As a family we are united in our decision not to play Monopoly with him ever again.

Us and Them

From Wrong Hands

I bet Rick Astley really struggles with Lent.