Processed Food

From Tyson Cole

Once a year I like to stay up late with some popcorn and whisky to watch the Oscars.

Unfortunately, Mrs Oscar closed the curtains early last night and ruined all my preparations.

Another Vase, Another Victory

From War and Peas

I ran over an old lady's cat at the weekend.

I asked her, "Can I replace it?"

She replied, "I don't know, how good are you at catching mice?"

Kindergarten Problem

From Liniers Cartoon

A kindergarten teacher asked her students what part of the body grew 10x its size when stimulated.

All of the students stayed quiet until Little Susie stood up and said, "I'm going to tell my mommy and daddy what you're teaching us!"

The teacher didn't answer her and asked the class again, "What part of the body grows 10 times its size when stimulated?"

Little Susie began to turn red in the face and said, "My parents are going to tell the principal and have you fired!"

Again, the teacher ignored her and asked a third time, with Little Mikey finally saying, "The pupil of the eye."

The teacher said, "You're correct, Little Mikey.

"And as for you, Little Susie:

"One, you have a dirty mind.

"Two, you didn't do your homework.

"And three, you're going to be *very* disappointed one day."

Horror

From Liniers Cartoon

I found my first skydiving experience terrifying.

I jumped out of the plane clinging to a burly man.

Anyway, about halfway down he said "So how long have you been an instructor?"

 

Route Finder

From Liniers Cartoon

FACT: The best American Indian trackers were the SatNavaho.

Twilight Left Some Things Out

From War and Peas

The Thin Old Days

From The New Yorker by Christopher Weyant

Having Children

 

From TheArgyleSweater

Spoiled Children

 

From Bizarro

 

I.D. Parade - Which One?

 

From Bizarro