Mules

From Andertoons

I divorced my wife because she was too loud in bed.

I could hear her from two houses down the street.

Point Of No Return

From Loose Parts

My girlfriend told me that she slept with 5 people before we met.

I usually wouldn’t mind, but I was only 20 minutes late!

Headless Love

From The Argyle Sweater

From Mark Lynch

Why was the dieting Roman so thrilled?

His toga size went from L to XL.

Glow Source

From OffTheMark

I need some advice here.

I've just been offered 8 legs of venison for £40.

Is that too dear?

Regular Gym Visitor

From Twonk Comics

Husband: I heard a rumour that the postman's slept with all the women on our street, except for one.

Wife: I bet it's that snooty Cynthia Quinn in Number 12.

Flowers

From Faceless

Scientists have discovered how much sleep the average person needs.

Just 5 minutes more.

Without Pyjamas

From Mark Lynch

Did you know that humans eat more bananas than monkeys?

It's true; for example, when was the last time you ate a monkey.

Coupons

From Faceless

How come, when a couple get divorced, the bloke has to pay his ex-wife a share of his future earnings but the woman doesn't have to do the bloke's future housework?

Hush Money

From At Random Comics

My wife's gone out for a night on the town with the girls.

She's taken her wedding ring off and left it at home, presumably to avoid losing it if she has a couple too many drinks.

Very sensible. I hope she has a lovely time.

Dating Mantiss

From OffTheMark

From Mark Lynch

I'm having a garden sale this afternoon.

I've got 3 trampolines, 6 patio chairs and 4 fence panels.

New stuff arriving all the time!

Unfaithful

A guy sits down at a bar looking disconsolate.

"Is everything okay?" the bartender asks.

"My wife and I got into a fight and she said she wasn't going to talk to me for a month," he replies.

The bartender says, "Well, maybe that's a good thing. A little peace and quiet?"

The guy looks up with teary eyes and says, "Yeah, but today is the last day!"

Rose Petal Path

From BerkeleyMews

Just impressed a woman with a bottle of lemonade.

I Schwepped her off her feet.

Stressful Activity

From Faceless

My girlfriend accused me of cheating on her...

She's beginning to sound just like my wife!

Award Winning Dentist

From Mother Goose & Grimm

My dentist said to me "This might hurt a little bit. Are you ready?"

I said "Yes, I'm ready."

He said "I'm sleeping with your wife."

OT Outfit

From Bliss

I came home early from work last night to find my wife spread out naked on our bed breathlessly awaiting my sexual advances.

Bless her, she was so horny for me she never even realised my mate Arthur was under the bed looking for a DVD he'd lent me.

Petal Path

From BerkeleyMews

I almost caught a bloke in bed with my missus last night, but he dived out the window as I burst into the bedroom.

So I chased him.

"He went that way," said my mate Dave, pointing to next door's garden.

"Cheers mate, and get some clothes on, you'll catch your death!"

Girlfriend Problems

From Faceless

Evidence

From Bizarro

It's Always The Last Place You Look

From Faceless

Caught Jester

​

From PainTrain