Helping Hand

From Sunny Street

A drunk girl staggered up to me in the street earlier and said "Can I pinch a cigarette from you please?"

I said "Show me your tits and then ask me the question again".

So, she lifted up her top and bra and said "Can I pinch a cigarette from you please?"

I said "Sorry love, I don't smoke".

Helper Dog

From Bliss

Congratulations to my wife who reached a new culinary milestone today.

She set off the neighbour's smoke alarm.