Good News, Bad News

From JimBenton

Why did the archaeopteryx get the worm?

Because it was an early bird.

T Rex Sun-Screen

From OffTheMark

Convincing your girlfriend she's crazy or paranoid is called gaslighting, and it's a dick move.

But, convincing her she's a robot with artificially implanted human emotions is called bladerunning.

It's a Phillip K. Dick move.

TRex Valentines Present

From OffTheMark 

Modern life raises so many problems.

For example, this morning I didn't know how many roses to give to my wife.

Would a single one be most romantic or would ½ a dozen be better?

Maybe I should give her a whole dozen.

In the end, I gave up and just gave her the whole tin.

Organic

From OffTheMark

Why can't dinosaurs clap their hands?

Cause they're dead.

Follow Your Dreams

From Dinos and Comics

Wow! What a session that was in the bedroom.

I must have burnt off an incredible number of calories.

I hate putting the duvet cover on.

Something To Look Forward To

From Dinos and Comics

I saw a sign in a restaurant.

"Chicken Dinner: £1.50"

I went in and ordered one.

The waiter brought me a plate of bird seed.

Making Friends 101

From Dinos and Comics

Remember, there are no strangers, only friends you haven't alienated yet.

Some Days It's Just One Thing After Another

From Liniers Cartoon

What were dinosaurs called before the meteor hit?

Live-osaurs.

Dinosaur Museum

From The Jenkins

Why are the Great Pyramids in Egypt?

Because they were too heavy to carry to the British Museum.

To The Moon . . . And Back

From Reality Check

A T-Rex and a Velociraptor are sitting in a bar.

The velociraptor points to a triceratops in the corner and says, "Why is he first to get served?"

The T-Rex replies, "Because he was herbivorous".

Upsetting Revelation

From Dinos and Comics

I was about to tell you a time travelling joke.

But you guys didn't like it.

T-Rex Selfie

From Liz Climo

The recent fuel price increases don't affect me… I only ever put £20 in.

Reward

From Dinos and Comics

I've got a glass of water by the side of my bed. I can't wait to sink my teeth into it.

Never Give Up

From Scribbly G

Does anyone know whether we can start taking showers again yet, or should we just keep washing our hands?

How To Act In An Emergency

 

From Dilbert

Aging App 2

From OffTheMark

Providing

From Sunny Street

First Step Towards Extinction

T-Rex Selfie

Misclassification

 

From smbc