I really love watching tennis.
but I've never been able to figure out why they need a lifeguard.
Showing posts with label husband. Show all posts
Showing posts with label husband. Show all posts
Monday, 30 June 2025
Monday, 10 October 2022
Married Robots
Reasons my wife gets mad at me:
1. Something something something
2. Some other stuff
3. I don't pay attention when she talks
Wednesday, 4 March 2020
Thursday, 4 April 2013
The Trials Of A Lawyer
A lawyer arrived home late, after a very tough day trying to get a stay of execution. His last minute plea for clemency to the governor had seemingly failed and he was feeling worn out and depressed.
As soon as he walked through the door at home, his wife started on him about, 'What time of night to be getting home is this? Where have you been? Dinner is cold and I'm not reheating it'..... And on and on and on. Too shattered to play his usual role in this familiar ritual, he poured himself a shot of whisky and headed off for a long hot soak in the bathtub, pursued by the predictable sarcastic remarks as he dragged himself up the stairs.
While he was in the bath, the phone rang. The wife answered and was told that her husband's client, James Wright, had been granted a stay of execution after all. Wright would not be hanged tonight.
Finally realizing what a terrible day he must have had, she decided to go up stairs and give him the good news.
As she opened the bathroom door, she was greeted by the sight of her husband, bent over naked, drying his legs and feet. 'They're not hanging Wright tonight,' she said.
He whirled around and screamed, 'For the love of God woman, don't you ever stop?'
As soon as he walked through the door at home, his wife started on him about, 'What time of night to be getting home is this? Where have you been? Dinner is cold and I'm not reheating it'..... And on and on and on. Too shattered to play his usual role in this familiar ritual, he poured himself a shot of whisky and headed off for a long hot soak in the bathtub, pursued by the predictable sarcastic remarks as he dragged himself up the stairs.
While he was in the bath, the phone rang. The wife answered and was told that her husband's client, James Wright, had been granted a stay of execution after all. Wright would not be hanged tonight.
Finally realizing what a terrible day he must have had, she decided to go up stairs and give him the good news.
As she opened the bathroom door, she was greeted by the sight of her husband, bent over naked, drying his legs and feet. 'They're not hanging Wright tonight,' she said.
He whirled around and screamed, 'For the love of God woman, don't you ever stop?'
Wednesday, 6 March 2013
How To Live Your Life
A local news station was interviewing an 80-year-old lady because she had just got married for the fourth time.
The interviewer asked her questions about her life, about what it felt like to be marrying again at 80, and then about her new husband’s occupation.
“He’s a funeral director,” she answered.
“Interesting”, the newsman thought...
He then asked her if she wouldn’t mind telling him a little about her first three husbands and what they did for a living.
She paused for a few moments, needing time to reflect on all those years. After a short time, a smile came to her face and she answered proudly, explaining that she had first married a banker when she was in her 20’s, then a circus ringmaster when in her 40’s, and a preacher when in her 60’s, and now — in her 80’s — a funeral director.
The interviewer looked at her, quite astonished, and asked why she had married four men with such diverse careers.
I married one for the money, two for the show, three to get ready, and four to go.”
The interviewer asked her questions about her life, about what it felt like to be marrying again at 80, and then about her new husband’s occupation.
“He’s a funeral director,” she answered.
“Interesting”, the newsman thought...
He then asked her if she wouldn’t mind telling him a little about her first three husbands and what they did for a living.
She paused for a few moments, needing time to reflect on all those years. After a short time, a smile came to her face and she answered proudly, explaining that she had first married a banker when she was in her 20’s, then a circus ringmaster when in her 40’s, and a preacher when in her 60’s, and now — in her 80’s — a funeral director.
The interviewer looked at her, quite astonished, and asked why she had married four men with such diverse careers.
I married one for the money, two for the show, three to get ready, and four to go.”
Wednesday, 14 November 2012
Thursday, 12 July 2012
Lingerie
A man walks into Ann Summers to purchase some see-through lingerie for his wife.
He is shown several possibilities that range from £50 to £150 in price, the more see-through, the higher the price.
He opts for the sheerest item, pays the £150 and takes the lingerie home.
He presents it to his wife and asks her to go upstairs, put it on and model it for him.
Upstairs the wife thinks 'I have an idea. It's so see-through that it might as well be nothing. I won't put it on - I'll do the modelling naked, return it tomorrow, get a £150 refund and keep the money for myself'.
So she appears naked at the top of the stairs and strikes a pose.
The husband says; 'Stone me, it wasn't that creased in the shop'.
His funeral is this Thursday.
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