It's 'Round Here Somewhere

From Bliss

My son: Dad, I’ve lost my dictionary.

Me: Have you looked upstairs?

My son: Dad! I can’t look up anything.

All A-Bored

From Monster Picnic

Boss: This is the third time you've been late this week. Do you know what that means?

Me: It's Wednesday?

Hey Beautiful

From James Breakwell

Call a girl beautiful 1000 times and she won't notice.

Call a girl fat once and she'll never forget.

Because elephants never forget.

I'm The One On The Right

From Chaz Hutton

Me: Doctor, I've been having trouble with my memory, I keep forgetting things

Doctor: Okay, how long has this been going on for?

Me: How long's what been going on for?

The Story Of My Life

From Loading Artist

Does anyone remember the name of the big bird in Sesame Street?

Never Forget

From Charlie Hankin

My wife never forgets anything I say that upsets her.

Over five years ago I mentioned in passing that she was getting fat, and she still remembers it to this day.

She's like an elephant.

Christmas From A Dog's Perspective

 From JimBenton

The kids keep laughing about my memory.

They won't be laughing at Christmas when there are no eggs under the tree.

Bad At Names

From xkcd

My wife left me because I'm too insecure.

No wait, she's back.

She just went to make a cup of tea.

Forgotten Opinion

From Wumo

I hate people who force their opinions on others.

And so should you!

Forgetiachi

From Rhymes With Orange

I just took that new pill that completely erases short term memory. What was I thinking?

From Mark Lynch