The Cycle

From Remi Lascault

Why did the baker have brown hands?

He needed a poo.

Wax Work

From OffTheMark

I just spent ages waxing my car.

I’m still not quite sure how it gets so hairy.

AI Café

From Pardon My Planet

I was in a restaurant when a waitress shouted "ANYONE KNOW CPR?"

I said "Yeah I know the whole alphabet!"

Everyone laughed.

Well, everyone except this one guy!

Bonus

From Buni Comic

I am on a diet and my friend asked me how it's going.

"Not good", I said, "I had eggs for breakfast."

"Fried?" He asked.

"Chocolate!" I replied.

Where's My Easter Egg

Why is bread the body of Christ?

Because he is risen.

Sign Of Trouble

From Bliss

My Wife and I were recommended to try a sperm donor.

So we did, but neither of us liked it.

Next time we're sticking to our regular kebabs.

You're Toast Mate

From Buni Comic

My wife was standing in the kitchen, preparing our usual soft-boiled eggs and toast for breakfast, wearing only the t-shirt that she normally slept in.

As I walked in, almost awake, she turned to me and said softly, "You've got to make love to me this very moment!"

My eyes lit up and I thought, "I am either still dreaming or this is going to be my lucky day!"

Not wanting to lose the moment, I embraced her and then gave it my all; right there on the kitchen table.

Afterwards she said, "Thanks," and returned to the stove, her T-shirt still around her neck.

Happy, but a little puzzled, I asked, "What was that all about?"

She explained, "The egg timer's broken."

Organic Growth Business Plan

From Rhymes With Orange

Bananas make things around them ripen faster and this is why you never see a young greengrocer.

Menu Choice

From Andertoons

From Andertoons

From Andertoons

From Rubes

I’ve just been to a restaurant where they served roast pelican . . .

. . . it was very tasty, but the bill was enormous!

Metamorphosis

From OffTheMark

On her wedding night a bride says to her husband, "I must confess dear, I used to be a hooker".

He says, "That's a bit of a shock, but I must confess, I find it quite erotic. Tell me about it."

She replies, "Well, my name was Nigel and I used to play for Wigan."

Mix Up

From Joseph Nowak

Her: I'll have the salad, no nuts, please?

Waiter: Of course,

Me: It didn't say it had nuts.

Her: I'm allergic, so I tell them to be safe.

Me: That makes sense.

Waiter: And for you sir?

Me: Steak, no bees, please?

Beep Beep

From Loose Parts

If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all those ACME products, why didn't he just buy himself dinner?

Safe Place

From OffTheMark

They threw me out of the cinema yesterday for taking in my own food.

But come on, the prices in the cinema foyer are far too high.

Plus, I hadn't had a barbeque in for ages.

Fishing Line

From OffTheMark

I'm playing cricket against my local fish & chip shop team later.

Their fielders and bowlers aren't that good, but their batter is brilliant!

Best Before

From Speedbump

The best before date printed on food always ruins the surprise,

There should be a spoiler alert.

On A Mission

From Rhymes With Orange

I'm just getting my beach gear together and after all the eating I've done this winter I'm happy to report that my flip flops still fit.

Apple Burgers

From FoodBeast

I spotted someone stealing something from the Apple Store.

So new, I'm an iWitness.

Flying Pigs

"You have a reminder set for 5pm today," my phone said.

"A reminder? What is it?" I asked.

"It's a notification to ensure you don't forget something, but that's not important right now," the phone replied.

Then I remembered I'd left it in Airplane mode.

Not Caring

From smbc

I went to an Indian restaurant the other day and decided to try the toucan curry.

The food was delicious but the bill was ridiculous.

Phonetically Defined 3

From Wrong Hands