Never Satisfied

From Bliss

My sex change operation from male to female went really well.

It was so successful, I'm still trying to reverse out of the hospital car park.

Head Support

From Cyanide & Happiness

After her son turned 10 years old his mother started to think that he looked a little strange so she did a DNA test and found out the child is not hers.

She told her husband what she had discovered.

Her husband replied, "Ah, you don't remember do you?

When we were leaving the hospital, the baby pooped into its nappy and you told me to go and change him.

So, l went inside, got a clean one and left the dirty one there".

The wife fainted.

Baby Changing Station

Doctor: (handing me my new born baby) I'm sorry but your wife didn't make it.

Me: (handing baby back to him) Bring me the one my wife made.

The Times They Are A Changing

From New Tricks by ES Glenn

Me: "Bob, it's pronounced CHANGING, not a-changin'"

Bob Dylan: ?

Me: "Can someone teach Bob to say CHANGE?"

*David Bowie stands up*

Me: "Not you"

You've Changed

I came home and the wife said, "Do you notice anything different about me?"

I said, "You've had your hair done,"

"No", she replied.

I said, "A new dress?"

"No", she replied.

"You've done your makeup then."

"No", she replied.

I said, "I give up."

She said, "I'm wearing a gas mask!"

New Look

From Speedbump

My wife threatened to leave me because of my addiction to poker.

But I think she's bluffing.

Growing Up

From Reality Check

When I was growing up there were only 25 letters in the Alphabet.

Nobody knew why.

How Come Anti-Aging Cream Has An Expiry Date?

From Mark Lynch

From Mark Lynch

Me: "Bob, it's pronounced CHANGING, not a-changin'"

Bob Dylan: ?

Me: "Can someone teach Bob to say CHANGE?"

*David Bowie stands up*

Me: "Not you"

A Century Of Progress

From Wrong Hands

. . . For your Thoughts

From Cyanide & Happiness

Ch-ch-ch-ch Changes

From xkcd

Tooth Fairy

From Bizarro

Old Wedding Dress

 

From Bizarro