House On Fire

From B Kliban

Top Tip:

To pay a homeopath, soak a fiver in a bucket of water and pay with a vial of that water containing a memory of money.

Just Japes

From Bliss

TIP: All women find firemen sexy.

Why not treat your lady to a sexy midnight surprise by leaving the chip-pan on when you go to bed?

Tarzan Of The Cats

From Bizarro

From Waynovision

My attractive female neighbour is completely paranoid.

She thinks I'm following or even stalking her; she is worried that I may be obsessed with her and any time she hears a noise in her house she is...purified?

Oh, wait: petrified. Sorry, it's not easy reading a diary through binoculars from a tree.