Daily Ritual

From Rhymes With Orange

Did you hear about the massive LEGO sale this weekend?

People were lining up for blocks.

Dreams Of Flying

From Remi Lascault

I bought my nephew a caterpillar cake without checking the best before date, so now he's got a butterfly cake.

The Life Of A Teenage Mantis 4

From War and Peas

You've Changed

I came home and the wife said, "Do you notice anything different about me?"

I said, "You've had your hair done,"

"No", she replied.

I said, "A new dress?"

"No", she replied.

"You've done your makeup then."

"No", she replied.

I said, "I give up."

She said, "I'm wearing a gas mask!"

Colour Range

From World of Engineering

What colour is the wind?

Blew

New Look

From Speedbump

My wife threatened to leave me because of my addiction to poker.

But I think she's bluffing.

Growing Up

From Reality Check

When I was growing up there were only 25 letters in the Alphabet.

Nobody knew why.

A Dozen Delaneys

I bet the Queen was disappointed to watch 'One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest', and find it wasn't about the time she flew over a cuckoo's nest.

 

Not a lot people know this about 50 Cent, but he used to be one half of Dollar.

 

The Tower of Pisa is probably the most famous listed building.

 

I went on a course to learn how to complain properly, and it was so good, I got my money back.

 

I was named after my dad, and that's because I'm a lot younger than him.

 

I used to be a mobile hairdresser but that didn't work out, as not enough people had hairy phones.

 

As a child I worked in hurricane prevention, well I say that, I pulled the wings off butterflies.

 

I've just completed the couch to 5K app, now what am I supposed to do with 5000 couches?

 

I accidentally used a volume maximising shampoo, and now my hair's too noisy.

 

My nose was all clogged up this morning, so I gave it a really good blow, and two wooden shoes popped out.

 

I was actually Birmingham Memory Man of the Year, back in 1980-something.

 

There's two typos of people in the world, those who always notice spelling mistakes, and those who don't.

Rebel Insects

From OffTheMark

For Sale

George Foreman grill set and Mohammad Ali DVDs.

Both boxed.

Some Enchanted Evening

From Bird and Moon

Insects are apparently the superfood of the future.

I tried eating caterpillars but it made me too nervous.

Gave me butterflies in my stomach.

My Kind Of Photography

From Bird and Moon

In a freak accident today, a photographer was killed when a huge lump of cheddar landed in him.

To be fair though, the people who were being photographed did try to warn him.

Flying Animals

From Buni Comic

Two lazy vultures had procrastinated on flying south for the winter until the first frost hit, then they got worried.

"We better catch an airplane to Mexico, let's go to the airport!"

So, they take off down the road, and as luck would have it, they come across two dead road-killed opossums, that had started to get nice and smelly, just like vultures like them.

"What luck, we better take these with us, I heard the airlines don't offer meals on the flight anymore."

So, they each grab a dead opossum, tuck it under their wing, and head on to the terminal.

They walk up to the ticket counter and tell they lady "We'd like two tickets to Cancun, please."

"Very well," she says, "Will you be checking any bags?"

"No," say the vultures, holding up the dead opossum carcasses, "we only have carrion."

Putrid Proposal

From Bizarro

From Waynovision

My bedside light turned into a butterfly this morning.

That's the last time I buy a larvae lamp.

Isolating and Distancing

 

From Rhymes With Orange

 

From Rhymes With Orange

They say that in London you're never more than six feet away from some selfish jerk who refuses to follow advice on social distancing.

Caterpillar Ruses

From smbc

Dream Big

From Buni Comic

Obsessing

Photo i.d.

Up Up And Away

From LunarBaboon