Showing posts with label alligator. Show all posts
Showing posts with label alligator. Show all posts

Wednesday, 5 June 2024

Where To Go For Sheep Videos

From Mark Lynch

One evening an old farmer decided to go down to the pond, as he hadn't been there for a while, to look it over.

He grabbed a bucket so that he could bring back some fruit.

As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee.

As he came closer, he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny dipping in his pond.

He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the deep end.

One of the women shouted to him, "We're not coming out until you leave!"

The old man frowned, "I didn't come here to watch you ladies swim naked or make you get out of the pond naked."

Holding up the bucket he said, "I'm just here to feed the alligator."

Friday, 3 December 2021

This Be The Rhyme

From Wumo

A man walks into a bar with an alligator on a lead.

The bartender says "You can't have that thing in here! Get out!"

The guy says "It's okay, this Alligator is highly trained.

Just give me a few seconds and I'll show you."

 

The bartender, intrigued, gives him the go-ahead.

The man gingerly lifts the alligator up onto a table.

By this point, everybody in the bar is gawking at this strange man and his pet.

The man grins around the room.

 

Having a new audience, he clears his throat and says "This is Allie the Amazing Alligator, and he is so well-trained that I can do this,"

He balls up his fist and gives the alligator a swift crack on the head.

"OPEN!" He says.

The alligator opens his mouth.

Before the bartender can do anything, the man unzips his fly and gingerly places his penis in the front of the alligator's gaping maw.

 

He wallops the alligator once more and says "CLOSE!" and the alligator ever-so-gently closes his terrifying jaws comfortably around his junk.

 

One last time, he raps his head and says "OPEN!"

He removes his unharmed manhood, and tucks it safely back into his pants.

The crowd applauds, and he takes a bow.

 

With all eyes still focused on him, he says "Now, if any of you guys have the balls to do that, I'll buy you a drink and give you fifty dollars."

Silence falls over the bar, and everyone looks around for someone who might be willing to take the bet.

After a few endless, uncomfortable seconds, a little dude in the back slowly raises his hand and says "I'll do it, but you have to promise not to hit me so hard."