Round Up

From ExtraFabulousComics

I would have liked to make that diabetes joke less harsh.

But it didn't seem appropriate to sugarcoat it.

The Evolution Of Smart Products

From Marketoonist

I had a fight with my alarm clock this morning.

It wanted me to wake up, I disagreed. Things got violent.

Now the alarm clock is broken and I'm wide awake.

I'm not sure who won that fight!

Subspecies

From Break of Day

A woolly mammoth walks down the street.

All of a sudden, a dozen elephants turn the corner, see the mammoth, run up to it and give it a good kicking.

After they've gone the mammoth stands up, spits broken tusks and says: "I hate skinheads!"

When Trouble Walked Through The Door

From The Argyle Sweater

"May I have a whiskey double on the rocks please?"

"This is an Arctic-themed bar, Sir. All our drinks are served on permafrost rather than ice. See our menu."

"Oh, I see. In that case may I have a double on tundra?"

"Certainly, Sir. I'll make it a stiff one."

Playing Safe

From Bliss

From Speedbump

A man takes his wife to get tested.

Two days later, he gets a call from the lab.

Doctor: I'm sorry to inform you that your wife's test results were mixed up with another patient's. We're not sure if she has COVID-19 or Alzheimer's disease.

Man: So, what am I supposed to do?

Doctor: Take her for a long walk and leave her. If she finds her way back home, don't open the door.

The Constant Fighter

From Matt Davies

The reason our country is having so much hot weather is that we have too many thermometers.

If we stopped looking at our thermometers so often we'd have far fewer days over 30°. 

Bully

From The Perry Bible Fellowship