Skull And Cross Buns

From GoatToSelf

I'm not saying my New Year resolutions aren't going very well but I've just finished all my Easter eggs.

Golfarr

From Bizarro

Grammar Pirates

Quick Quiz

Q. What did the pirate say on his 80th birthday?

A. Aye matey.

 

Q. Where are average things built?

A. In a satisfactory.

 

Q. How do you know when your diarrhoea is genetic?

A. When it runs in your genes.

 

Q. Why is Peter Pan always flying?

A. Because he neverlands.

I like this joke because it never grows old.

 

Q. How do you make holy water?

A. Boil the hell out of it.

 

Q. When do you know that a tractor is magic?

A. When you see it turn into a field.

 

Q. Why can’t you hear a pterodactyl on the toilet?

A. Because the p is silent.

 

 

How Pirates Get Their Eye Patches

Pirate Injuries

A pirate walked into a bar, and the bartender said, "Hey, I haven't seen you in a while. What happened? You look terrible."

"What do you mean?" said the pirate, "I feel fine."

"What about the wooden leg? You didn't have that before."

"Well," said the pirate, "We were in a battle, and I got hit with a cannon ball, but I'm fine now."

The bartender replied, "Well, OK, but what about that hook? What happened to your hand?"

The pirate explained, "We were in another battle. I boarded a ship and got into a sword fight. My hand was cut off. I got fitted with a hook but I'm fine, really."

"What about that eye patch?"

"Oh," said the pirate, "One day we were at sea, and a flock of birds flew over. I looked up, and one of them dropped some bird poo in my eye."

"You're kidding," said the bartender, "you can't lose an eye just from bird poo."

"It was my first day with the hook."

Captain Lambchop

From PainTrain

Committed

Space Pirate Wars