Sleeping Partner

From OffTheMark

The patron saint of coffee is St. Arbucks.

Needs To Switch To DeCat

From Bound and Gagged

I understand now why my cat sleeps so much.

She's living life on paws.

Decattynated

From Break of Day

I bought a circular rug that I saw on eBay the other day.

When I unwrapped it and rolled it out, I discovered that there's a great big hole in the middle.

I emailed the seller to complain.

He wrote me back saying the advert had clearly stated that the: "Rug is in mint condition".