Favourite Gift

From Speedbump

My wife bought me a bread making machine for Christmas.

So far, I've made a baguette, a bloomer and a tiger loaf.

I'm on a roll now.

Taking One For The Team

From Jon Adams / Cityclops

What did Adam say on the night before Christmas?

It's Christmas Eve.

Mix Up

From Rhymes With Orange

Breaking News

Tampax have announced that they'll be replacing the strings with tinsel.

But, just for the Christmas period.

Seasons Greetings

From Four Eyes

My wife left me yesterday because she said I was too addicted to football.

I was devastated . . . I'd been with her for 12 seasons.

Driving Home

Wow, he's setting off early this year!

My new car has a switch for pretty much everything.

There's even one that says 'rear wiper' but I'm still too afraid to try that one whilst I'm driving.

Brief Outing

From OffTheMark

I got upset when I couldn't find any scissors to cut a coupon out of a newspaper.

I was reduced to tears!

Catty Christmas

From OffTheMark

I was given an invisibility suit for Christmas.

I can't see myself wearing it though.

Presents

Actually, Frankincense was the name of the perfume's creator.

Ladies Night

From Jon Adams / Cityclops

Don't forget to buy enough food for 27 days today as the shops will be shut for 48 hours over Christmas.

Hang In There Fellas, Not Long Now

On Christmas Eve last year I told my wife I was popping to the shops.

She said, "While you're there, can you get some fairy liquid, detergent and some dishwasher tablets.

I said, "Can't you wait till tomorrow when you open your presents?"

Christmas Tree-t

From Buni Comic

'Tis the season where we say 'tis instead of it's.

Wrapping Paper

From xkcd

I've decided to form a choir for this Christmas.

So far, it's just Dean, Don, Mary, Lee and I.

If You Liked These . . .

From Reality Check

It's officially the season where you've got to ask your mum whether you're allowed to eat food or if it's for Christmas.

Cats Putting Up The Christmas Tree

From Break of Day

Santa played a round of golf this morning to help him relax before his big day and he hit a birdie.

It was a partridge on a par 3.

Well Chosen Present

From Bliss

Does anyone know where the Tesco staff Christmas party is being held this year?

I've been using the self-checkout all year so I figured that I'd go along.

Flying Reindeer

From Safely Endangered

I got a Microsoft advent calendar this year.

If you open too many windows at once they all close again for no reason whatsoever.

Snowman Clothing

From Loose Parts

I got home today and all the doors were wide open and everything was gone.

What sort of person does a thing like that to someone else's advent calendar?

A Christmas Wish

Pet Pranks

From Bliss

I managed to get all my Christmas shopping done this morning.

I hope that everyone likes Halloween costumes.

Dapper Mechanic

From The Jenkins

The jumper that I got for Christmas kept picking up static electricity.

So, I took it back to the shop it came from to see what they could do about it.

They exchanged it for another free of charge.