I've just been to my Nan's house, and fair play to her, at 94, she had all the Halloween decorations up, cobwebs and live insects in the windows and a skeleton on the sofa.
She always makes a big effort but when I rang the bell there was no answer.
I'll pop back next week, see how she's doing!
THE INFLATABLE BOY
Long ago in an inflatable land
Where the inflatable King and Queen rule
An inflatable boy in the village of Elftown
Went to inflatable school.
At 9am on the inflatable dot,
Inflatable lessons begin;
Nobody knew this inflatable boy
Had got an inflatable pin.
He kept it concealed in his satchel;
No one there knew of their fate
Till the boy ran amok in the staffroom
And teachers began to deflate.
He then stuck his pin in the building;
It was sharp and met little resistance;
Just a hiss at the start, then a deafening fart
As the school flew off into the distance.
Inflatable boys with inflatable pins
Know inflatable parents get stroppy;
The inflatable boy turned the pin on himself
And in no time at all he was floppy.
He was saved by a man with a bicycle pump
And a puncture repair kit to boot;
And when he came round the next morning,
By his bed was a man in a suit.
O dread; the headmaster, half covered in plasters,
Alive but not up to full pressure;
Not enough p.s.i. but pure wrath in his eye,
Filled not with air but displeasure.
"Now then, young man," the headmaster began
In the inflatable hospital in Elftown;
"You've let your teachers down,
You've let your school down,
And now you've let yourself down."
Les Barker
I took the batteries out of my carbon monoxide detector because the constant beeping was giving me a headache and making me feel dizzy and sick.
Today really has been a bit of a strange day!
First, I found a hat full of money . . .
. . . and then I was chased by an angry man with a guitar.
I would like to thank my arms for always being by my side, my legs for always supporting me, and my fingers because I can always count on them.
At any one time a bowl of nuts on a bar will have 17 types of urine on them.
That's why they're called peanuts.
