Lure

From Buni Comic

My mate took his Grandad to one of those fancy Health Spas where tiny

little fish eat all the dead skin.

It cost him £65, but it was a lot cheaper than a cremation.

Dating Problems - My Eyes Are . . .

From TheArgyleSweater

I went out for a winter walk this morning and found a box of frozen fish on the pavement.

I was going to hand it in to the police, but then decided it was a case of Findus Kippers!

Fishing Line

From OffTheMark

I'm playing cricket against my local fish & chip shop team later.

Their fielders and bowlers aren't that good, but their batter is brilliant!

In Deep Trouble

From Loading Artist

The perfect crime would be murdering Where's Wally, because the police would never find the body.

Can I Try

From Buddy Gator

My wife has just called and told me that she'll be home soon and wants fish for dinner.

I'd better get my skates on.

From The Kids

From Scott Johnston Cartoons

I had a happy childhood.

My dad used to put me in tyres and roll me down hills.

Those were Goodyears!

Picking Up Birds

From Andertoons

I chatted up a gypsy last night.

She asked me to go back to her place for a good time.

She wasn't kidding.

I went on the dodgems, the waltzers and the ghost train, and I returned home with a goldfish.

Catfish in the Cradle by Herring Chapin

From The Argyle Sweater

I just bought a sweet car online that was previously owned by Neil Diamond.

Coming Clean

From JimBenton

How come fish smell?

They spend their whole lives taking a bath.

New Killer On The Block

From Looks Good On Paper

I watched the Bad Habits final at the Olympics earlier today.

It was nail-biting!

Climate Change - Pros and Cons

From War and Peas

Doctor: You've been bitten by a radioactive shark

Me: So I'm going to get shark powers right

Doctor: you no longer have legs

Me: Just like a shark.

Colour Range

From World of Engineering

What colour is the wind?

Blew

The Right Man For The Job

From Speedbump

I am looking for someone to brush their teeth with me...

I just found out that 9 out of 10 dentists say brushing alone won't reduce cavities!

The Big Book Of Baby Names

From Foolish Mortals

To find out your dolphin name simply lick your finger tips and rub a balloon.

Interrupted Journey

From Speedbump

Small Safari

From Junk Drawer

I popped into a department store yesterday and I learned that make-up assistants do not like it when you climb up on the stool and ask for a tiger.

Pool Shark

From Loading Artist

I used to be addicted to swimming.

But, I'm very proud to say that I've been dry for six years.

Fish Fun

From The Argyle Sweater

What, again?

You can't always be experiencing a higher volume of calls than normal.

That's not how averages work.

Trip To The Beach

From Andertoons

The best thing about being a man is the ability to explain things you don't understand.

Trophies

From Buni Comic

A shark could swim faster than me.

But, I could probably run faster than a shark.

So, in a triathlon, it would all come down to who is the better cyclist.