Safe Place

From OffTheMark

They threw me out of the cinema yesterday for taking in my own food.

But come on, the prices in the cinema foyer are far too high.

Plus, I hadn't had a barbeque in for ages.

Instant On Demand TV

From Moderately Confused

I noticed that on my tv remote control there was a button labelled "Cinema Surround Sound".

I pressed it.

All of a sudden, a voice came from behind me saying, "Move your head, I can't see."

The Pelican Briefing

From Ellis Rosen

My local cinema lost almost £1000 in a smash and grab raid yesterday.

The thieves got away with two cartons of popcorn, two large Cokes and a packet of Skittles!

Fin, The Film

From OffTheMark

I told you not to mention that James Bond film.

Never say Never Say Never Again again.

Toad - In 3000D

From The Argyle Sweater

Q: What do you get if you cross a science fiction film with a toad?

A: Star Warts

One Please

From The Jenkins

From Buni Comic

From Honey Dill

I got this new TV remote, and it had a big red button that said 'Cinema Mode'.

So, I clicked on it and this voice behind me went: "Shut up in front will you, I'm trying to watch the film".

Monkey Nuts

From Buni Comic

I saw my first porn film last week.

I couldn't believe how young I looked.

Death By Laser

From Bogart Creek

Sad news. The guy who owns our local cinemaplex has died.

His funeral will be on Friday at 12.30, 4.15 and 8.40.

Please note 8.40 is in 3D.

Subtitles

From Bizarro