The Hard Life

From AThirdThing

I'm sick of hearing all those 1970s novelty songs that they play at my local holiday camp.

So, this year I'm off to sunny Spain.

Due Date

From AThirdThing

When my wife was pregnant there were various things that she just couldn't do.

For example, she couldn't reach to tie her own laces, so I had to do that for her.

And she couldn't run to catch the bus.

Sometimes we'd go shopping and I'd be back home hours before her.

Research

From AThirdThing

My mate said "I like your car".

I said "It's not very practical now we've got a baby".

He said "How about I buy it from you?".

I said "Yeah, go on then. Three grand?"

He said "You've got yourself a deal".

I said "Nice one, you're going to make a brilliant dad".

A Happy Place

From A Third Thing

I was in a public toilet and had just sat down when a voice from the next cubicle said, "Hi. How are you today?"

Embarrassed, I said, "I'm doing fine, thanks."

The voice said, "So, what are you up to?"

I said, "Well, I'm probably doing the same as you, I expect. Sitting here, waiting..."

From next door, "Can I come over?"

Annoyed, I said, "No, you can not, you dodgy pervert."

The voice then said, "Listen, I'm going to have to ring you back. There's some moron in the next cubicle listening to every word I say."

Desperate Situation

From AThirdThing

I lost my haiku

Please tell me if you see it.

Thank you very much.