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Friday 31 July 2020
Thursday 30 July 2020
Wednesday 29 July 2020
Masks
I went to the chemists to get myself a face mask but they had sold out.
They suggested that I try Boots.
I’ve been in A&E for 40 minutes now and I’m sure that it’s the nurses and doctors that I can hear laughing.
I got a cold call on the ‘phone today asking if I’d recently bought any gloves or masks.
They said that if I had they could check to see if I’d been mis-sold PPE.
Tuesday 28 July 2020
Monday 27 July 2020
Sunday 26 July 2020
Classy
It may take a village to raise a child, but it's going to take a whole vineyard to homeschool one.
Saturday 25 July 2020
Friday 24 July 2020
Guided By "The Science"
As England's cricketers begin their third test in a month, Matt Hancock is left wondering how they manage to do so many. - HIGNFY
Thursday 23 July 2020
Wednesday 22 July 2020
Tuesday 21 July 2020
Monday 20 July 2020
Isolated
How long is this social distancing thing meant to last? My husband keeps trying to come back into the house.
Sunday 19 July 2020
Saturday 18 July 2020
Friday 17 July 2020
Thursday 16 July 2020
Homeworking With Masks
It’s been a great blessing to be home with the wife for the last few months. We’ve caught up on everything that I’ve done wrong over the last 20 years.
Wednesday 15 July 2020
Tuesday 14 July 2020
Drink O'Clock
Is it OK that I start drinking as soon as the kids go to school? Or does that make me a bad teacher?
Monday 13 July 2020
Sunday 12 July 2020
Friday 10 July 2020
Never Give Up
Does anyone know whether we can start taking showers again yet, or should we just keep washing our hands?
Thursday 9 July 2020
I'm Normally A Social Girl
I'm normally a social girl
I love to meet my mates
But lately with the virus here
We can't go out the gates.
You see, we are the 'oldies' now
We need to stay inside
If they haven't seen us for a while
They'll think we've upped and died.
They'll never know the things we did
Before we got this old
There wasn't any Facebook
So not everything was told.
We may seem sweet old ladies
Who would never be uncouth
But we grew up in the 60s –
If you only knew the truth!
There was sex and drugs and rock 'n roll
The pill and miniskirts
We smoked, we drank, we partied
And were quite outrageous flirts.
Then we settled down, got married
And turned into someone's mum,
Somebody's wife, then nana,
Who on earth did we become?
We didn't mind the change of pace
Because our lives were full
But to bury us before we're dead
Is like red rag to a bull!
So here you find me stuck inside
For 4 weeks, maybe more
I finally found myself again
Then I had to close the door!
It didn't really bother me
I'd while away the hour
I'd bake for all the family
But I've got no bloody flour!
Now Netflix is just wonderful
I like a gutsy thriller
I'm swooning over Idris
Or some random sexy killer.
At least I've got a stash of booze
For when I'm being idle
There's wine and whiskey, even gin
If I'm feeling suicidal!
So let's all drink to lockdown
To recovery and health
And hope this bloody virus
Doesn't decimate our wealth.
We'll all get through the crisis
And be back to join our mates
Just hoping I'm not far too wide
To fit through the flaming gates!
Jan Beaumont
Wednesday 8 July 2020
Tuesday 7 July 2020
How It Started, How It Works
This is the first year that I'm not going to Fiji because of COVID-19.
Normally I don't go because I'm poor.
Monday 6 July 2020
Time Off Excuse
We're going to have to stop using the expression, "avoid it like the plague" because it turns out that humans don't do that sort of thing.
Saturday 4 July 2020
A Taste Of Freedom
EXCLUSIVE: List of confirmed opening times for Super Saturday.
11.00 - Red Lion
12.00 - King's Head
13.00 - Royal Oak
14.00 - Rose and Crown
21.00 - NHS Nightingale
Wife: Did I get fat during quarantine?
Husband: You were never really skinny!
Time of Death: 11.32 4/7/2020
Cause of Death: Coronavirus