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Friday 31 March 2023
Thursday 30 March 2023
Wednesday 29 March 2023
Dangerous
My teacher told me not to worry about spelling because in the future there will be autocorrect and for that I am eternally grapefruit.
Tuesday 28 March 2023
Bakery
A man walks into a bakery, points to some bread and asks, "Is this gluten free?"
"I'm afraid not", the cashier replies, "it costs £2.50."
Monday 27 March 2023
Help The Hungry
Mushroom Soup,
Chicken pâté,
Halloumi stuffed peppers,
Spring rolls.
And that's just four starters.
Thursday 23 March 2023
Protection Racket
The man who invented the throat lozenge has passed away...
There was no coffin at the funeral.
Wednesday 22 March 2023
Monday 20 March 2023
Flunking The Interview
Interviewer: "What's your greatest strength?"
Me: "You tell me"
Interviewer:
Me:
Interviewer: "Delegating?"
Me: "That's right"
Sunday 19 March 2023
Friday 17 March 2023
Thursday 16 March 2023
Classic Susan
As a practical joke I set up a bucket of liquid nitrogen so that it fell on our chemistry teacher when he opened the door.
He must have found it funny. He completely cracked up!
Wednesday 15 March 2023
Coitus Interruptus
I've found myself caught in a love triangle.
I like this girl, she likes nobody, and nobody likes me.
Monday 13 March 2023
Picnic
What did the mother Llama say to her llama children as they prepared for a picnic?
Alpaca lunch.
Friday 10 March 2023
Life Skills
From The Perry Bible Fellowship
A Lieutenant stands on the edge of a high cliff with his troops. The lieutenant looks down and then points to a soldier.
-You there! Come here to the cliff edge, extend your right hand to the side and jump down.
The lieutenant watches as the soldier obeys his command and falls down. He commands the next soldier in line:
-You there! Come here to the edge, extend your left leg and your left arm forward and jump down.
Again, the lieutenant closely watches as the soldier falls, pauses for a moment to think and commands the next one in line.
-You there! Come here to the edge, lie down, lift your right leg up and roll down.
A General passing by notices what's going on and storms to the scene:
-Lieutenant Alexey! How many times do I have to tell you? You can't play Tetris at work.
Wednesday 8 March 2023
Clear Out
An elderly woman is going through some old boxes of clothes.
She picks out one item, turns to her husband of forty years and says "Look dear, I wore this when we first started dating and it still fits."
The husband replies "Yes honey, you've always liked that scarf."
Monday 6 March 2023
Beaver Tale Tails
There is a beaver in our local zoo who is quite the celebrity.
His name is Clint; Clint EatsWood.
Friday 3 March 2023
Interpreting Lateral Flow Tests
I'm glad I learned about oxbow lakes at school rather than how to complete my tax return.
It's come in really handy during this oxbow lake period.