Skull And Cross Buns

From GoatToSelf

I'm not saying my New Year resolutions aren't going very well but I've just finished all my Easter eggs.

The Life Cycle Of Pasta

From Wawawiwa Comics

I got fired from the pasta factory . . .

. . . just for making a fusilli mistakes.

Mouse Maze

From Andertoons

Did you hear about that VR headset made out of solid gold?

It shows you an Augmented reality.

Til Deaths Do Us Part

From OffTheMark

Why did the rabbit reject her boyfriend's marriage proposal?

Because the ring wasn't 24 carrots

A Load Of Balls

From Leigh Rubin

I bumped into a friend in the street.

He had a noticeably large bulge by his groin.

"What's going on there?", I asked, pointing at it.

"Tennis ball" he replied.

"Oh mate, I feel for you", I sympathised, "I had that in my elbow once and that was painful enough".

Diet Advice

From Mark Lynch

They say that every piece of chocolate that you eat shortens your life by 2 minutes.

I've done the maths.

Apparently, I died in 1977.

Field Trip

From Bizarro

Do you ever wake up, kiss the person sleeping beside you and feel glad that you're alive?

I just did; and I've been told I'll never be able to fly with Jet2 again!

Photoshopped Royals

There's a Specsavers, a Boots and a Greggs near to where I live.

It's all specs and drugs and sausage rolls around here.

Wild Adventure

From Bliss

Today I bought myself some sensible walking boots and a green rucksack with a few outer pockets and went up to the Lake District.

I walked around for about 5 miles or so, stopped and sat on a stone wall for a bit and had a flask of milky coffee.

Then I walked another 5 miles or thereabouts and decided to stop for a snack.

I rootled about in my new rucksack and decided that a biscuit would do the job.

I found some digestives, some bourbons and a pack of custard creams so I picked the . . .

Sorry, I'm rambling!

Moth Art

From Elis Rosen

Being both a moth and a sea captain is hard.

You're in charge of the ship.

Up ahead you see a lighthouse.

You know you shouldn't . . . but. . .

Why People No Longer Send Messages In Bottles

From Speedbump

From Reality Check

Bottled water companies don't produce water.

They produce plastic bottles.

Safety First

From At Random Comics

Londoners can be really cruel.

I was in a butcher's shop earlier when a woman asked for a Panda Sausage!

Invitation

From Buni Comic

My neighbour knocked on my door at 2 o'clock this morning but I didn't bother letting him in.

I mean, what person in their right mind turns up to a party wearing a dressing gown and slippers?

Super Optician

From Loose Parts

What happens to your eyesight when you have kids?

You get adult super vision.

Experiment Design

From smbc

What kind of dates do scientists like to be set up on?

Double blind

Flying Saucer Arrival

From Joseph Nowak

I had to take the batteries out of my carbon monoxide detector earlier today.

The loud beeping was giving me a headache and making me feel sick and dizzy!

Anticipation

From Liniers Cartoon

I walked into a restaurant last night.

"Hi, is my table ready?"

"No, not yet sir; would you mind waiting?"

"No, that's okay."

"Great, take these to table six then."

Of Course

From Doodle For Food

I'm now a qualified counterfeiter . . .

. . . and I have the certificate to prove it.

Dreaming Of A Lottery Win

From Dinos and Comics

My ex-girlfriend just told me she wants us to get back together again.

Man, I sure am lucky!

I mean, first I win the lottery and now this!

Our Trip To Australia

From Chucklebros

Why did Novak Djokovic pay for his flight to Australia on a Mastercard?

Because his Visa didn't work!