Some Gags

From OffTheMark Why can keyboards never sleep? Because they have two shifts.

From OffTheMark I was recently diagnosed with attention something something.

From OffTheMark Pets only like us because they have Stockholm Syndrome.

From OffTheMark I just spent ages waxing my car. I’m still not quite sure how it gets so hairy.

From OffTheMark I never thought that I'd be the sort of person who'd wake up early in the morning to exercise. ...

From OffTheMark My wife is threatening to kick me out of the house because of my obsession with acting like a news anchor. More on ...

From OffTheMark My wife has just come tumbling down the stairs. I warned her about wearing that slinky nightdress.

From OffTheMark On her wedding night a bride says to her husband, "I must confess dear, I used to be a hooker". He says, ...

From OffTheMark How come our cars have to be roadworthy when the roads don't have to be car worthy?

From OffTheMark I need some advice here. I've just been offered 8 legs of venison for £40. Is that too dear?

From OffTheMark When single ladies get to the age of 50, they tend to get lots of dogs and cats. This phenomenon is known as the m...

From OffTheMark They threw me out of the cinema yesterday for taking in my own food. But come on, the prices in the cinema foyer are far to...

From OffTheMark I'm playing cricket against my local fish & chip shop team later. Their fielders and bowlers aren't tha...

From OffTheMark People get really annoyed when I read over their shoulders on trains which is stupid as I'm not even that loud. ...

From OffTheMark The patron saint of coffee is St. Arbucks.

From OffTheMark Where do Russian birds sleep? In a commu-nest.

From OffTheMark I said to my doctor "I've got a problem with one of my ears". He said "Are you sure?" I ...

From OffTheMark Drat, foiled again; the hour we will lose this weekend is the one when I was planning on going down the gym.

From OffTheMark Convincing your girlfriend she's crazy or paranoid is called gaslighting, and it's a dick move. But, convincing...

From OffTheMark   Modern life raises so many problems. For example, this morning I didn't know how many roses to give to my wife. ...