Some Gags

From Pardon My Planet I was in a restaurant when a waitress shouted "ANYONE KNOW CPR?" I said "Yeah I kno...

From Pardon My Planet Housework is boring, and it is futile. You make the bed; you do the dishes. Six months later, you've got t...

From Pardon My Planet Took my son out for his first pint last night. Got him a Heineken. He didn't like it so I had it. Got him a Carlsb...

From Pardon My Planet If someone calls you fat just ignore them. You're bigger than that.

From Pardon My Planet I thought Ariana Grande . . . . . . was a font style.

From Pardon My Planet How To Avoid Stress At Work: 1. Don't go to work.

From Pardon My Planet Doctor: "Relax, David. It's just a small surgery, don't panic." Me: "But my name isn't Dav...

From Pardon My Planet Top Tip If all the toilets in your house are being used and you're desperate for one to be free . . . . . . try tu...

From Pardon My Planet A guy walks into a bookshop. Guy: "I'd like to buy a book by Dickens." Shop Assistant: "Certainly s...

From Pardon My Planet I wondered why I was banned from dating sites for paying with Monopoly money. It turns out that it's not lega...

From Pardon My Planet I'm sick of women saying that men "only get into relationships for sex". Not all of us are that shallow...