Tuesday, 7 October 2025

The Worst Part Of Being A Buddhist Monk


From smbc

Apparently, it's no longer politically-correct to direct a joke at any racial or ethnic minority.

So, bearing this in mind, I think that the following is still okay:

An Englishman, a Scotsman, an Irishman, a Welshman, a Ghurkha, a Latvian, a Turk, an Aussie, two Kiwis, a German, an American, a South African, a Cypriot, an Egyptian, a Japanese, a Mexican, a Spaniard, a Russian, a Pole, a Lithuanian, a Swede, a Finn, an Israeli, a Dane, a Romanian, a Bulgarian, a Serb, a Swiss, a Greek, a Singaporean, an Italian, a Norwegian, a Libyan, a Muslim, a Hindu, a Buddhist and an Ethiopian went to a nightclub.

The bouncer said, "Sorry, I can't let you in without a Thai.

Monday, 6 October 2025

Pointless Studying


 From The Jenkins

A limerick:

 

(12 + 144 + 20 + 3√4) / 7 + (5 x 11) = 92 + 0

 

or to put it another way:

 

A dozen, a gross, and a score

Plus three times the square root of four

Divided by seven

Plus five times eleven

Is nine squared and not a bit more

Friday, 3 October 2025

Shedding Spots


From Speedbump

Do you ever wake up, kiss the person sleeping beside you and feel glad that you're alive?

I just did and, apparently, will not be allowed on this bus again.

Tuesday, 30 September 2025

Monday, 29 September 2025

Friday, 26 September 2025

Above And Beyond

From Work Chronicles

My boss pulled up in his brand new Mercedes today and I couldn't help but admire it

"Nice car", I said as he got out.

Well, he said noticing my admiring looks; "Work hard, put the hours in, and this time next year I'll be able to buy an even better one".

Thursday, 25 September 2025

Wednesday, 24 September 2025

Imprinting

From The Far Side

Studies show that 48% of women have used vibrators.

The other 52% have brand new ones.

Tuesday, 23 September 2025

Welcome Home

I saw yet another lost dog roaming the street the other day.

I thought, "If only I had a pound for every one of those I've seen".

Monday, 22 September 2025

Baby Teeth

My teeth were stained, so the dentist asked me,

"Do you smoke or drink coffee?"

I told him, "I drink it!"

Friday, 19 September 2025

Thursday, 18 September 2025

Harmony


From Bird and Moon

If I've learned anything in my 23 years on earth, it's . . .

. . . that it's okay to lie about your age.

Wednesday, 17 September 2025

The Judgement

From C Section Comics

I hate when a couple argues in public, and I missed the beginning and don't know whose side I'm on.

Tuesday, 16 September 2025

John Venn Was Having Marital Problems


From Liniers Cartoon

Two people from Kent recently became the first married couple to row all the way across the Atlantic.

Apparently, it started when he asked if she really needed that many clothes on a cruise.

Monday, 15 September 2025

Cat Lady

From Jonesy

As a young child my mother told me that I could be anyone I wanted to be.

It turns out, this is called identity theft.

Wednesday, 10 September 2025

Parenting Technique


From OffTheMark

People get really annoyed when I read over their shoulders on trains which is stupid as I'm not even that loud.

Monday, 8 September 2025

Quick Response

I hate making spelling mistakes.

You mix up two letters and your whole post is urined.

Friday, 5 September 2025

Thursday, 4 September 2025

Wednesday, 3 September 2025

Tuesday, 2 September 2025

Best Before


From Speedbump

The best before date printed on food always ruins the surprise,

There should be a spoiler alert.

Monday, 1 September 2025

Friday, 29 August 2025

Familiar

From Mark Lynch

I think elephants are over protected.

But that's easy for me to say from my ivory tower.

Thursday, 28 August 2025

Contingency Plans


From Andertoons

I spent the whole morning building a time machine

That's 3 hours of my life I'm never going to get back

Wednesday, 27 August 2025

This Guy

From Twonk Comics

Your fingers have fingertips but your toes don't have toetips, yet you can tiptoe but not tipfinger!

Tuesday, 26 August 2025

Lying

From Work Chronicles

Quick question:

Is it, "for fuck sake", or "for fuck's sake"?

It's for a work email so it has to sound professional.

Monday, 25 August 2025

Friday, 22 August 2025

Thursday, 21 August 2025

Imaginary Friends


Did you know . . .

. . . that you can fly from any airport in the country without posting it on Facebook?

Wednesday, 20 August 2025

Protection Racket


From Will McPhail

I Saw a Huge Seagull Today

It was big enough to be a D Gull.

But not quite big enough to be an Eagle.

Tuesday, 19 August 2025

Caught In The Lights

From Bizarro

I saw an Irish dancing show today called 'Streamdance'.

It's not quite as good as 'Riverdance', but then it is only a tributary act.

Monday, 18 August 2025

Choosing Underwear

From C Section Comics

"Your underwear is much too tight and very revealing", I said to my wife.

"Wear your own then", she replied.

Friday, 15 August 2025

Liked


From Liniers Cartoon

The man that invented the Yo-Yo died yesterday.

He was lowered into his grave 15 times!

Thursday, 14 August 2025

Wednesday, 13 August 2025

Hey Beautiful


Call a girl beautiful 1000 times and she won't notice.

Call a girl fat once and she'll never forget.

Because elephants never forget.

Monday, 11 August 2025

Bikini Body


From War and Peas

My doctor says I should think about getting my stomach stapled.

It's great that at my age he still believes I could be a centrefold.

Thursday, 7 August 2025

Head Support


From Cyanide & Happiness

After her son turned 10 years old his mother started to think that he looked a little strange so she did a DNA test and found out the child is not hers.

She told her husband what she had discovered.

Her husband replied, "Ah, you don't remember do you?

When we were leaving the hospital, the baby pooped into its nappy and you told me to go and change him.

So, l went inside, got a clean one and left the dirty one there".

The wife fainted.

Tuesday, 5 August 2025

Friday, 1 August 2025

Big Stripes


From Speedbump

"It's a boy!", I shouted with tears rolling down my face.

"I don't believe it. A boy!"

It was at that moment that I decided that I would never visit Thailand again.

Thursday, 31 July 2025

Devices


From F Minus

I bumped into someone from my flashers' club in town earlier.

It's always nice to see a fellow member.