Friday 31 July 2015
Thursday 30 July 2015
Wednesday 29 July 2015
Brahn Boots by Weston & Lee
Our Aunt Hanna's passed away,
We 'ad her funeral today,
And it was a posh affair,
Had to have two p'licemen there!
The 'earse was luv'ly, all plate glass,
And wot a corfin!... oak and brass!
We'd fah-sands weepin', flahers galore,
But Jim, our cousin... what d'yer fink 'e wore?
Why, brahn boots!
I ask yer... brahn boots!
Fancy coming to a funeral
In brahn boots!
I will admit 'e 'ad a nice black tie,
Black fingernails and a nice black eye;
But yer can't see people orf when they die,
In brahn boots!
And Aunt 'ad been so very good to 'im,
Done all that any muvver could for 'im,
And Jim, her son, to show his clars...
Rolls up to make it all a farce,
In brahn boots...
I ask yer... brahn boots!
While all the rest,
Wore decent black and mourning suits.
I'll own he didn't seem so gay,
In fact he cried most part the way,
But straight, he reg'lar spoilt our day,
Wiv 'is brahn boots.
In the graveyard we left Jim,
None of us said much to him,
Yus, we all gave 'im the bird,
Then by accident we 'eard ...
'E'd given 'is black boots to Jim Small,
A bloke wot 'ad no boots at all,
So p'raps Aunt Hanna doesn't mind;
She did like people who was good and kind.
But brahn boots!
I ask yer... brahn boots!
Fancy coming to a funeral,
In brahn boots!
And we could 'ear the neighbours all remark
"What, 'im chief mourner? Wot a blooming lark!
Why 'e looks more like a Bookmaker's clerk...
In brahn boots!"
That's why we 'ad to be so rude to 'im,
That's why we never said "Ow do!" to 'im,
We didn't know... he didn't say,
He'd give 'is other boots away.
But brahn boots!
I ask yer... brahn boots!
While all the rest,
Wore decent black and mourning suits!
But some day up at Heavens gate,
Poor Jim, all nerves, will stand and wait,
'Til an angel whispers... "Come in, Mate!
Where's yer brahn boots?"
We 'ad her funeral today,
And it was a posh affair,
Had to have two p'licemen there!
The 'earse was luv'ly, all plate glass,
And wot a corfin!... oak and brass!
We'd fah-sands weepin', flahers galore,
But Jim, our cousin... what d'yer fink 'e wore?
Why, brahn boots!
I ask yer... brahn boots!
Fancy coming to a funeral
In brahn boots!
I will admit 'e 'ad a nice black tie,
Black fingernails and a nice black eye;
But yer can't see people orf when they die,
In brahn boots!
And Aunt 'ad been so very good to 'im,
Done all that any muvver could for 'im,
And Jim, her son, to show his clars...
Rolls up to make it all a farce,
In brahn boots...
I ask yer... brahn boots!
While all the rest,
Wore decent black and mourning suits.
I'll own he didn't seem so gay,
In fact he cried most part the way,
But straight, he reg'lar spoilt our day,
Wiv 'is brahn boots.
In the graveyard we left Jim,
None of us said much to him,
Yus, we all gave 'im the bird,
Then by accident we 'eard ...
'E'd given 'is black boots to Jim Small,
A bloke wot 'ad no boots at all,
So p'raps Aunt Hanna doesn't mind;
She did like people who was good and kind.
But brahn boots!
I ask yer... brahn boots!
Fancy coming to a funeral,
In brahn boots!
And we could 'ear the neighbours all remark
"What, 'im chief mourner? Wot a blooming lark!
Why 'e looks more like a Bookmaker's clerk...
In brahn boots!"
That's why we 'ad to be so rude to 'im,
That's why we never said "Ow do!" to 'im,
We didn't know... he didn't say,
He'd give 'is other boots away.
But brahn boots!
I ask yer... brahn boots!
While all the rest,
Wore decent black and mourning suits!
But some day up at Heavens gate,
Poor Jim, all nerves, will stand and wait,
'Til an angel whispers... "Come in, Mate!
Where's yer brahn boots?"
Tuesday 28 July 2015
Monday 27 July 2015
Sunday 26 July 2015
Saturday 25 July 2015
Friday 24 July 2015
Wednesday 22 July 2015
Tuesday 21 July 2015
Monday 20 July 2015
Sunday 19 July 2015
Saturday 18 July 2015
Friday 17 July 2015
Thursday 16 July 2015
Wednesday 15 July 2015
Tuesday 14 July 2015
Monday 13 July 2015
Sunday 12 July 2015
Saturday 11 July 2015
Two Ladies Talking in Heaven
1st woman: Hi, Wanda!
2nd woman: Hi, Sylvia! How'd you die?
2nd woman: Hi, Sylvia! How'd you die?
1st woman: I froze to death.
2nd woman: How horrible!
1st woman: It wasn't so bad. After I quit shaking from the cold, I began to get warm & sleepy, and finally died a peaceful death. What about you?
2nd woman: I died of a massive heart attack. I suspected that my husband was cheating, so I came home early to catch him in the act. But instead, I found him all by himself in the den watching TV.
1st woman: So, what happened?
2nd woman: I was so sure there was another woman there somewhere that I started running all over the house looking. I ran up into the attic and searched, and down into the basement. Then I went through every closet and checked under all the beds. I kept this up until I had looked everywhere, and finally I became so exhausted that I just keeled over with a heart attack and died.
1st woman: Too bad you didn't look in the freezer---we'd both still be alive.
2nd woman: How horrible!
1st woman: It wasn't so bad. After I quit shaking from the cold, I began to get warm & sleepy, and finally died a peaceful death. What about you?
2nd woman: I died of a massive heart attack. I suspected that my husband was cheating, so I came home early to catch him in the act. But instead, I found him all by himself in the den watching TV.
1st woman: So, what happened?
2nd woman: I was so sure there was another woman there somewhere that I started running all over the house looking. I ran up into the attic and searched, and down into the basement. Then I went through every closet and checked under all the beds. I kept this up until I had looked everywhere, and finally I became so exhausted that I just keeled over with a heart attack and died.
1st woman: Too bad you didn't look in the freezer---we'd both still be alive.
Friday 10 July 2015
Thursday 9 July 2015
Wednesday 8 July 2015
Tuesday 7 July 2015
Monday 6 July 2015
Sunday 5 July 2015
Friday 3 July 2015
Thursday 2 July 2015
Wednesday 1 July 2015
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