Horsing Around

From Cyanide & Happiness

100 years ago, everyone owned a horse and only the rich had cars.

Today everyone has a car and only the rich have horses.

Oh, how the stables have turned.

Manx Overboard

From Loose Parts

A man is on holiday in the Maldives when his diving instructor asks him, "Why do scuba divers always fall backwards into the water?"

"Because, the man replies, "if they fell forwards, they'd still be in the boat".

Bark Bark Bark Bark . . .

From Speedbump

I renewed my car insurance over the phone this morning, and as I was about to hang up the woman on the other end asked if I had a pet.

I said, "Yes, I've got a dog."

She said, "Would you like to insure him too?"

I said, "No thanks, he can't drive!"

How To . . .

From Liniers Cartoon

I recently read a book about Stockholm Syndrome.

It started off badly, but by the end I really liked it.

Unheeded Warning

From Rhymes With Orange

If snails are so slow, why don't we ever see them coming?

It's just boom, there's another snail.

Mr Eurovision Song Contest Man

Tip Jar

From Pardon My Planet

Top Tip

If all the toilets in your house are being used and you're desperate for one to be free . . .

. . . try turning off the wifi

Escape

From Bill Boles

The last time I visited Blackpool I went on a donkey.

It took me 23 days to get there.

Pride Month

From Mark Lynch

What do you call a group of people waiting to get into a Pride festival?

An LGBT queue.

To Do

From Loading Artist

I have piles and piles of ironing to do.

I don't know which is worse!

Paradise Fetish

From Bird and Moon

What do you call a bird that's afraid of heights?

A chicken.

Inspiration

From The Argyle Sweater

THE JOY OF FROGS

Frogs need kisses like anyone else

Not all of them want to become handsome princes

some prefer a more pond-based lifestyle

What if you turn into a handsome prince and the princess really prefers frogs?

What if you're not that handsome a prince?

Maybe you're more handsome a frog?

Let's face it, chances are if you can get kissed fairly regularly by a princess and remain a frog you've got it made

If she gives you tongues then go for it

Henry Normal

Naked and Waiting

From LunarBaboon

Yesterday it was so cold that I took my kitten into my bed with me.
The poor thing was frozen.
I thought I'd thaw a putty-tat!

Mayday! Mayday!

From OffTheMark

I bought a mayfly's autobiography.

Chapter 1: The End.