Scare Tactics

 

From smbc

 

Lumberjack

 

 

Say Sorry

Food Selfie

 

From Bizarro

 

Et Tu?

 

Any salad can be a Caesar Salad – as long as you stab it enough.

 

 

Pets

From LunarBaboon

 

Ghost Cake

 

From Buni Comic

 

I Look Cute

Spoiled Children

 

From Bizarro

 

German Scrabble

 

 

Phone Apps

From Tina's Groove

 

Hypnotherapist, Psychiatrist, Surprise

A weeping woman bursts into her hypnotherapist’s office and declares, “Doctor, I have been faithful to my husband for 15 years, but last weekend I broke that trust and slept with a man I met in a pub whilst out with my girlfriends. The guilt is killing me. I just want to forget that it ever happened!”
The hypnotherapist shakes his head. “Oh no, not again …”

- - - -

Jim went to a psychiatrist and told him, “I can’t sleep.  Every time I get into bed I think there’s somebody under it.

“Come to me three times a week for two years and I’ll cure your fears”, the shrink says, “and I’ll charge you only £50 a visit”.
Jim said he’d think about it.
Six months later, he runs in the doctor who asks why he never came back.
“For £50 a visit?”, Jim says, “My mate Harry cured me for a few beers and a curry.”
“Impossible!” said the outraged therapist, “How could he do that?”
“Simple, he told me to cut the legs off the bed.”

- - - -

A couple decide to go for a meal on their anniversary and after some deliberation decide on their local Chinese restaurant.
They peruse the menu and finally agree to share the chef's special chicken surprise.
The waiter brings over the meal, served in a lidded cast iron pot.
Just as the wife is about to start in on the meal, the lid of the pot rises a tiny amount and she briefly sees two beady little eyes looking around before the lid slams back down.
"Did you see that?" she asks her husband.
He didn't, so she asks him to look in the pot.
He reaches for it and again the lid rises, and again he sees two beady little eyes looking around before it firmly slams back down.
Rather perturbed he calls the waiter over, explains what is happening and demands an explanation.
"Well sir", says the waiter, "What did you order?"
"We both chose the same", he replies, "the chicken surprise".
"Oh I do apologise, this is my fault" says the waiter, "I've brought you the Peeking Duck"
 
- - - -

Leap Of Faith

 

The Surreal McCoy

Box Sizes



From Bizarro

 

LemminMan Go

 

The Surreal McCoy

 

Quick Nonet

The first rule of tautology club is the first rule of tautology club.

When I was a kid my English teacher looked in my direction and said, "Name two pronouns".

I said, "who, me?"

Why can't you trust atoms?

Because they make up everything.

Did you hear about the man who was cooled to absolute zero?

He's 0K now.

Your mother is so classless she could be a Marxist utopia.

There's a band called 1023MB.

They haven't got any gigs yet.

Sodium sodium sodium sodium sodium sodium sodium sodium Batman.

René Descartes walks into a bar.

The bartender asks him if he wants a drink.
"I think not", he replies, and disappears.

The first rule of Alzheimer’s club – don’t talk about chess club.

Feeling Old?

 

From xkcd

 

Scottish Toilets

Ark Issues

 

From Bizarro

 

Dealing With Addiction

 

 

Job Interview

From Teddy Tietz

 

T-Decay

From Buni Comic