Creative Hunting

 

From Bizarro

Money On The Table

 

From smbc

All I Want Is You - Barry Louis Polisar

Imelda May - Kentish Town Waltz

Modern Life Goods

From Bizarro

Can You Hear It?

Can you hear this song? pic.twitter.com/884OsquDjc

— Simon Pampena (@mathemaniac) January 21, 2016

Browser

 

From Bizarro

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Everything Happens For A Reason

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From ExtraFabulousComics

Influence

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From xkcd

 

From LunarBaboon

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Happy Liaison

From smbc

Legendary Brothers

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From Bizarro

Even More Gary Delaney Quotes

I took some lovely pictures at the art gallery today, so if anybody wants to buy a slightly dented Picasso...

 

I've just wiped my bottom, luckily it was backed up earlier.

 

I told my girlfriend we're not going to an eighties fancy dress party, but she remains adamant.

 

When I was mysteriously rejected for a job as a courier I took it very badly.

 

You can tell when you get to Spaghetti Junction because there's a great big fork in the road.

 

Hosted a pub quiz to raise money for research into undiagnosed heart problems. Everything was going really well 'til the sudden death round.

 

There are two types of people, people who get the job done and

 

This new rowing machine really works! We're already bickering  over how much it cost and how long until it gets shoved in the loft.

 

Yodel - Piercing high-pitched wail, usually emitted by someone who's waited in all day for a delivery that didn't arrive.

 

I once went on  an 18-30 holiday but 12 years was just too long.

 

Just watched Edward Scissorhands, I thought it was better than Edward Paperhands but not as good as Edward Stonehands.

 

I tried a bit of nude painting today, it went really well, and now everyone says my front door looks lovely.

 

I've just asked the man from Del Monte who his favourite prog rock band is.

 

Words can't express how good I think my creative writing tutor is.

Manicfesto

For those of you who are still to decide how you are going to vote in tomorrow's general election, I present for you the Monster Raving Loony Party's

 

2017 General Election Manicfesto

 

We will stand on a platform of free woollen hats for all, so we can pull the wool over people's eyes.

   

Austerity
Due to the fact that the Government have made cuts in almost everything around, the loony party proposes to cut the letters of the alphabet. Starting with the letters N. H. and S

 

Brexit

France will be required to return Brittany.

All Europeans to pay to use the English Channel, and all Crème Anglais to be made in Britain.

Defence
We shall replace the Trident missile . . . with a three pronged fork

Economy & Pensions
We will further complicate the UK tax system so that everyone can find a loophole, not just multi-national companies.

Educational funding
The Loony Party proposes that all Schools would have a Jumble sale or fete or other fundraising event at least twice per month to help raise funds for those little extras; such as Desks, Books, paper, pens etc.

Electoral Change
The Loony party propose that voters will get a 30 day cooling off period during which, if you change your mind, didn't like the result, or didn't know what you were voting for, you can get your vote back.

Reduce the voting age to 16 (carried forward from our 1983 manicfesto (nicked by labour)).

Environment 
We will change the English symbol of three lions to 3 badgers. How often do you see lions running round the countryside?

All Food sold in fast food establishments should be clearly marked "May contain traces of real food"

Immigration policy
One in one out (carried forward from our 2015 manicfesto (nicked by UKIP)).

Nationalisation.
The Loony Party will nationalise all Political parties and if they don't keep their manifesto promises; we will sell 'em off.

We will nationalise crime to make sure it doesn't pay

Pensions or How to get the grey vote
In keeping with the Labour Party's latest bid to get one or two pensioners to vote for them they have brought out a new policy guaranteeing the Triple lock on pensions until 2025 if they get voted in. The Loony party of course will go one better and buy several very large padlocks and some very heavy chains.

 

Religion

 

Atheism will be given charity status being a non-prophet organization.

Social Media
All Social Media sites to be taken down for one day a year for a "Remember when we used to talk" day.

Taxation
Tax payers to receive Nectar Points from HMRC

Transport
We will only paint yellow lines where you CAN park,

Potholes deeper than three inches will be marked with a yellow plastic duck.

We will rename the current Oyster travel cards, 'Sardine Cards' to better reflect the experience when travelling on public transport

 

https://www.loonyparty.com/2017-general-election-manicfesto/

 

Policies A-Z

 

The A-Z of the OMRLP Manicfesto Just a sample of what you'd get by voting for insanity – you know it makes sense!

 

A. Air bags will be fitted to the Stock Exchange immediately, ready for the next crash.

 

B. Britain will exit Europe and join the duchy of Cornwall to benefit from tax exemptions.

 

C. Capital Punishment will be opposed on the grounds that it is unfair to Londoners.

 

D. Data will be secured, placed in a brown bag and hidden in the PM's socks and pants drawer.

 

E. Education. All University Tuition fees for women would be free as we are strong believers in Female intuition. (Due to gender equality laws we would include males as well)

 

F. Frivolous fraud office setup to inspect fraud too silly for the serious fraud office.

 

G. Greyhound racing will be banned to prevent the country going to the dogs.

 

H. Half the grey squirrels will be painted red to increase the red squirrel population.

 

I. Innocent prisoners will be released in order to reduce prison overcrowding.

 

J. Jobseekers will be made to stand two abreast in order to halve dole queues.

 

K. Kids will be made to sit closer together on smaller desks in to reduce school class sizes.

 

L. London marathon free to anyone finishing in sub-2 hours wearing large clown's shoes.

 

M. Mega carwash will be created by punching holes in the roof of the channel tunnel.

 

N. National debt will be cleared by putting it all on our credit card.

 

O. OAPs will qualify for a summer ice lolly allowance if temperatures exceed 70 degrees.

 

P. Puddles deeper than 3 inches will be marked by a yellow plastic duck.

 

Q. Quitters will be encouraged not to start in the first place to improve their self-esteem.

 

R. Regulations concerning car boot sales will be relaxed to permit selling of all car parts.

 

S. Stamp duty will be cancelled as stamps are expensive enough without having to pay duty.

 

T. Terrorists will be made to wear bells and horns so we know where they are.

 

U. Unruly teenagers will be superglued together as if you can't beat them, join them.

 

V. Vehicles will be fitted with bungy ropes in order to save fuel on the return journey.

 

W. Wind farms will be created nationwide, where breaking wind will be encouraged.

 

X. X-ray machines will be manned by a skeleton staff.

 

Y. Yellow lines will be painted where you can park instead of where you can't to save money.

 

Z. Zebra crossings will be made permissible to all animals wishing to cross the road.

 

https://www.loonyparty.com/proposals/policies-a-z/

 

VOTE FOR THE MONSTER RAVING LOONY PARTY – The only sane thing to do in a world gone mad!

Beaver Scouts

From TheArgyleSweater

Difficult Telephone Conversation

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From Bizarro

Playing The Odds

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From LunarBaboon