Job Application

From Bizarro

Tim Vine Jokes

Three cheers for rap music.
Hip hop . . . hooray
Hip hop . . . hooray
Hip hop . . . hooray

Who can tell you what will happen to your nose in the future?
Nostrildamus.

He said, "my dog's go no dictionary".
I said, "how does he spell terrible?"

He said, "Do you know anything about how to become self employed?"
I said, "Mind your own business".

I live next door to a horse.
He's my neigh-bour.

Newton's Swing

Russian Scan

From TheArgyleSweater

Conjugal Visit

From Bizarro

Haircut

Buni Unicorns

From Buni Comic

From Buni Comic

From Buni Comic

So Soft

From LunarBaboon

Out All Night

Glaswegian Wedding

Two Glaswegians, Archie and Jimmy, are sitting in the pub discussing Jimmy's forthcoming wedding.

"Och, it's all goin' pure brilliant," says Jimmy. "Ar've got everythin' organised awready, the fluers, the church, the caurs, the reception, the rings, the Minister, even ma stag night".

Archie nods approvingly.

"I've even bought a kilt to be married in" continues Jimmy.

"A kilt", exclaims Archie, "That's magic, you'll look pure smart in that.
What's the tartan?...."

"Och," says Jimmy, "A'd imagine she'll be in white!

The Airline Approach

From Bizarro

Owning Pets

From LunarBaboon

Self Help Books

From Buni Comic

Missing

Wringing a Wet Towel in Orbit

From NASA APOD - 24 April 2013

Unstoppable Robotic Assassin

From xkcd

Updated Resolutions