Good Boy

Stress Test

From Bizarro

On Tender Hooks

On Tender Hooks

 

Let me cut to the cheese:

every time you open your mouth,

I'm on tender hooks.

 

You charge at the English language

like a bowl in a china shop.

Please nip it in the butt.

 

On the spurt of the moment,

the words tumble out.

It's time you gave up the goat.

 

Curve your enthusiasm.

Don't give them free range,

the chickens will come home to roast.

 

And now you are in high dungeon.

You think me a damp squid:

on your phrases I should not impose.

 

But the spread like wildflowers

in a doggy-dog world,

and your spear of influence grows.

 

 

Brian Bilston

Grammar Pirates

Workday Schedule

 

 

From JimBenton

Hey, Mister Tambourine Man Play A Song For Me

 

From Bizarro

Yet More Gary Delaney Jokes

Apparently there are fog patches on the M6. I can only presume it is trying to give up fog.

I was thrown out of my cloning exam for copying the kid next to me.

If you do what you love you'll never work a day in your life, especially if what you love is heroin.

Roses are loud,

Violets are sweet,

I've got synaesthesia,

Also I'm not very good at rhymes.

How many light bulbs does it take to change a person? - SAD Research Centre.

Cleopatra's Needle. Good point, well made.

I can only imagine the confusion when Slash has to give someone his website address.

The other day I was comparing pictures of a young and old Michael Jackson and I was struck by lightening.

I was struck by lightning the other day. I was walking down the road and I thought 'Lightning really is remarkable'.

People have said I'm unimaginative, but I say to them, no you're unimaginative.

Matchmaking is hard. I texted my dyslexic friend asking if she fancied Alan and she got all upset for some reason.

When it comes to understanding similes I'm like a fish out of Marillion.

This diet was hard at first but now I'm really starting to find my feet.

Glaswegian pet shop: 'I'm looking for something pretty that flies' 'Parakeets?' 'Well I'm not sure it's windy enough, but I'll take one'.

Santa gave her what she wished for, a donor heart and a perfect match! She rang her twin sister to share the news. No answer.

I tried to read a book on how to be a more imaginative lover but I couldn't get past the opening passage.

Disappointed in the giant advent calendar at the end of my road. None of the 25 doors contain chocolate at all, just scared looking families.

A vase is really just a hospice for flowers.

To be honest I didn't really understand 'The Emperor's New Clothes' but everyone else did, so I said I did too.

I've got a Welsh friend who says he always trusts his gaydar, and also his mom who's heterosexual.

Life Stages

 

From smbc

Anti Social - A Modern Dating Horror Story

From Comic Relief

Lowtraits

 

From Bizarro

Revised Plea

 

From Waynovision

Filet Minion

Rekindle

 

From LunarBaboon

Hot Date

From Bizarro

Power

 

From BerkeleyMews

Accurate Forecast

 

From smbc

Looking After Yourself

 

 

From JimBenton