Role Play

Beer

For the third time this week I'm buying booze for the next two weeks.

House Cleaning Opportunity

"Heard a Dr. on TV saying in this time of Coronavirus staying at home we should focus on inner peace. To achieve this we should always finish things we start and we all could use more calm in our lives. I looked through my house to find things I'd started and hadn't finished. So I finished off a bottle of Merlot, a bottle of Chardonnay, a bodle of Baileys, a butle of wum, tha mainder of Valiumun srciptuns, an a box a chocletz. Yu haf no idr how feckin fablus I feel rite now. Sned this to all who need inner piss. An telum u luvum. And two hash yer wands, stafe day avrybobby!

Overdoing It

From Buni Comic

Things I've Learned Recently

One of my neighbours was taken into hospital last night.

He was put on one of those Dyson ventilators in the hope that they would work.

And they do - he's picking up nicely.

Keyworkers

We are only a few day's into lockdown and it's really upsetting me to witness Tracy standing at the living room window gazing aimlessly into space with tears running down her little cheeks.

It breaks my heart to see her like this. I've thought very hard about how I can cheer her up. I've even considered letting her come inside but rules are rules....

Superman v Coronavirus

From Rick McKee

What An Opportunity

Where's Wally 2020

High Stakes Gambling

COVID-19

I went to the chemist today and asked the assistant "what kills the Corona Virus?"

She replied to me, "Ammonia Cleaner"

I said "Oh, I am sorry, I thought you worked here."

With the football season suspension due to the corona virus, I've decided to talk to my wife.

She has told me she has been made redundant . . . from Woolworths.

Latest purchase limits placed on shops, in light of the Coronavirus due to panic buying;

ASDA: 2 hand sanitisers and a 4 pack of toilet rolls.

TESCO: 1 hand sanitiser, 500g of rice and 4 pack of toilet rolls.

WAITROSE: 1 lobster, 6 quails' eggs and 100g of Foie Gras.

ALDI: 1 MIG welder, 1 pink sports bra, 2 trumpets and a wetsuit.

Because of panic buying I've run out of toilet paper, so I'm now using lettuce leaves.... I've a feeling today is just gonna be the tip of the iceberg.

I keep singing "Come Fly With Me", "Moon River and "New York, New York".

I've got Croonervirus.

Last night I thought I had a case of Corona, but there were only 5 bottles left in the box.

When you start to work from home but miss the daily commute:

Big Electricity Bill

From OffTheMark

Inattentive

From Faceless

Captcha

From smbc