Our Tune

From Andertoons

Once you've heard one bagpipe tune, you've heard them both!

Hold The Door

From Twonk Comics

Top Tip: Relax twice as fast by playing your mindfulness meditation at double speed.

Above And Beyond

From Work Chronicles

My boss pulled up in his brand new Mercedes today and I couldn't help but admire it

"Nice car", I said as he got out.

Well, he said noticing my admiring looks; "Work hard, put the hours in, and this time next year I'll be able to buy an even better one".

Plant Hospital

From Rhymes With Orange

I confused my Scottish GP today . . .

. . . by telling him I had knee problems.

Imprinting

From The Far Side

Studies show that 48% of women have used vibrators.

The other 52% have brand new ones.

Welcome Home

From Little Porpoise

I saw yet another lost dog roaming the street the other day.

I thought, "If only I had a pound for every one of those I've seen".

Baby Teeth

From Safely Endangered

My teeth were stained, so the dentist asked me,

"Do you smoke or drink coffee?"

I told him, "I drink it!"

Familiar Perfume

From Bizarro

From Waynovision

I met someone who smelt just like me.

He could have been my cologne.

Harmony

From Bird and Moon

If I've learned anything in my 23 years on earth, it's . . .

. . . that it's okay to lie about your age.

The Judgement

From C Section Comics

I hate when a couple argues in public, and I missed the beginning and don't know whose side I'm on.

John Venn Was Having Marital Problems

From Liniers Cartoon

Two people from Kent recently became the first married couple to row all the way across the Atlantic.

Apparently, it started when he asked if she really needed that many clothes on a cruise.

Cat Lady

From Jonesy

As a young child my mother told me that I could be anyone I wanted to be.

It turns out, this is called identity theft.

Fast Car

From Martin Perscheid

My mate David had his ID stolen.

So, now I call him Dav.

Co-worker Complaints

From War and Peas

A giraffe can grow up to 18 feet.

But they usually only have 4.

Parenting Technique

From OffTheMark

People get really annoyed when I read over their shoulders on trains which is stupid as I'm not even that loud.

A Child Fell Into A Well

From Cyanide & Happiness

A strangler is just a fiend you haven't met yet.

Quick Response

From Safely Endangered

I hate making spelling mistakes.

You mix up two letters and your whole post is urined.

Getting The Perfect Shot

From Bliss

I just failed my abseiling exam.

I let myself down badly there.

Occupational Hazard

From smbc

Once there was a fire at a voodoo doll factory and 10,000 people died.

Apple Intern

From Dustinteractive

I've just dropped my mobile phone.

Luckily it was in flight mode so it landed safely.

Best Before

From Speedbump

The best before date printed on food always ruins the surprise,

There should be a spoiler alert.

Number Scrabble

From The Jenkins

Throwing Scrabble tiles around the room is all fun and games until somebody loses an i.