Monday 17 March 2014

Language And The Public

These extracts are all, purportedly, taken from letters received by the former Ministry of Pensions.  The Message is usually clear even if the presentation is somewhat distracting.

1 In accordance with your instructions, I have given birth to twins in the enclosed envelope.

2 I cannot get sick pay. I have six children. Can you tell me why this is?

3 Milk is wanted for my baby as the father is unable to supply it.

4 This is my eighth child. What are you going to do about it?

5 Mrs R has no clothes and has not had any for a year.  The clergy have been visiting her.

6 In reply to your letter.  I have already co-habited with your office.  So far without result.

7 I am forwarding my marriage certificate and two children, one of which is a mistake as you can see.

8 Sir, I am glad to report that my husband, reported missing, is now dead.

9 Unless I get my husband's money I shall be forced to lead an immortal life.

10 I am writing these lines for Mrs G who cannot herself write. She expects to be confined next week and can do with it.

11 I am sending you my marriage certificate and six children. I had seven and one died which was baptised on half a sheet of paper by the Rev Thomas.

12 Please find out if my husband is dead as the man I am now living with won't eat or do anything until he knows.

13 In answer to your letter, I have given birth to a little boy weighing 10 lbs. Is this satisfactory?

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