LGBT???

From Mark Lynch

Shopping for antiques won't make you gay . . . but it may make you buy curios.

Proportion

From Pardon My Planet

If someone calls you fat just ignore them.

You're bigger than that.

Writing Cheques

From Bob Eckstein

How did the Australian pay for his new chess set?

Cheque, mate.

What Flavour

From Loading Artist

Be The Best

From The Bent Pinky by Scott Metzger

I have 11 New Year Resolutions...

1) Never make resolutions

2) Accept that life contains paradoxes

3) Use the binary number system more often

First Birthday

From Buttersafe

Pluto wanted to throw Earth a birthday party on New Year's Eve.

But he forgot to planet.

Mix Up

From Joseph Nowak

Her: I'll have the salad, no nuts, please?

Waiter: Of course,

Me: It didn't say it had nuts.

Her: I'm allergic, so I tell them to be safe.

Me: That makes sense.

Waiter: And for you sir?

Me: Steak, no bees, please?