Assteroid

From Looks Good On Paper

A man on a tractor has just driven past me yelling "the end of the world is nigh"

I think it was Farmer Geddon.

Smart Toaster

From Mark Lynch

I bought myself a new smart TV.

Now I can't watch Celebrity Big Brother.

It will only let me watch The Open University and Brian Cox documentaries.

Parasite

From After Death Comics

"Welcome to the 41st Annual meeting of Parasites Club."

"I'm Andrew Smith, and I'll be your host for the day."

No Means No

From Mark Lynch

My wife says she loves to be wooed so now whenever we have date night I have to dress up as a ghost.

The Duel

From Liniers Cartoon

Yesterday, a clown held the door open for me.

It was such a nice jester!

Instant On Demand TV

From Moderately Confused

I noticed that on my tv remote control there was a button labelled "Cinema Surround Sound".

I pressed it.

All of a sudden, a voice came from behind me saying, "Move your head, I can't see."

Computer Science Stats

From smbc

I'm attending my first class in binary later today, 'Binary 101'.

Which means I've missed the first four lessons.