I ordered a mail-order bride.
Unfortunately, I was out when she was delivered.
So, now she's married to my neighbour.
I ordered a mail-order bride.
Unfortunately, I was out when she was delivered.
So, now she's married to my neighbour.
I helped my neighbour this morning and she said to me, "I could marry you."
I couldn't believe it.
You do something nice for someone and they threaten to ruin your life in return!
A man on a tractor has just driven past me yelling "the end of the world is nigh"
I think it was Farmer Geddon.
I bought myself a new smart TV.
Now I can't watch Celebrity Big Brother.
It will only let me watch The Open University and Brian Cox documentaries.
"Welcome to the 41st Annual meeting of Parasites Club."
"I'm Andrew Smith, and I'll be your host for the day."
My wife says she loves to be wooed so now whenever we have date night I have to dress up as a ghost.