Favourite

From Andertoons

Daughter: Can I keep the night light on?

Dad: And provide the monsters with a beacon to your location? Use your head sweetie.

It Has Been . . .

From Loose Parts

I saw a sign that said "Watch Batteries Fitted Here".

I gave it ten minutes but it was no fun whatsoever.

The Problem

From JimBenton

I bumped into a beautiful woman this morning and she asked me for my phone number . . .

. . . then my insurance details!

Naked Fridays

From Barely Baked Beans

"Why did you have sex with her?"

"She was lying there naked; what was I supposed to do?"

"The autopsy. You were supposed to perform the autopsy!"

"Don't tell me how to do my job!"

"You are an absolutely terrible vet!"

Flight Mode

From The Argyle Sweater

Top Tip

It's pronounced "scone", not "scone".

A Society Grows Great When Old Men Plant Trees Whose Shade They Know They Shall Never Sit In

From Leigh Rubin

If trees produced Wi-Fi we'd be planting them everywhere.

It's a shame they only produce oxygen and store carbon.

Engine Trouble

From OffTheMark

How come our cars have to be roadworthy when the roads don't have to be car worthy?