Bob Loved The Outdoors

From Cornered

Last night my neighbour came home drunk and banged on his own door for 5 minutes.

The trouble is, he lives alone, so nobody answered.

So, I went outside and told him he wasn't there; and he left.

Drawing Class

From The Daily Drawing

Nelson was 5ft 6ins tall.

His statue in Trafalgar Square is 17ft 4ins high.

That's Horatio of  just over 3:1.

Bear House

From The Argyle Sweater

A man is walking in the woods when he finds a suitcase.

He opens the suitcase and inside are three foxes.

So, he calls emergency services and says, "I just found three foxes in a suitcase. What should I do?"

"Well," the operator says, "Are they moving?"

"I don't know," he replied, "But if they were, that would explain the suitcase."

Steps

From Moderately Confused

Doctor: Have you been getting enough exercise?

Me: Does sex count as exercise?

Doctor: Yes

Me: No

From The Kids

From Scott Johnston Cartoons

I had a happy childhood.

My dad used to put me in tyres and roll me down hills.

Those were Goodyears!

Batty Time

From OffTheMark

Drat, foiled again; the hour we will lose this weekend is the one when I was planning on going down the gym.

Smart Toaster

From Dogs on the 4th

Why shouldn't you put a toaster in the bathtub?

Because your toast will get soggy.