MooBeard

From Bizarro

Pirate 1: "the treasures be buried"

Pirate 2:" *are"

Three Little Words

From Bird and Moon

"Do you have any pets?"

"Yes, I have a dog."

"Any hobbies?"

"Rolling around in mud and fetching sticks."

Payback

From C Section Comics

I made my wife's dreams come true when we got married in a castle.

But you wouldn't have known it from the look on her face as we were bouncing around.

Spaceship Earth

From Liniers Cartoon

Some people call me the space cowboy,

Some call me the gangster of love,

Some people call me Maurice . . .

- Yes Sir, but I do still need to see your driving licence.

Chore Allocation

From Jonesy

Last night my wife wore a police uniform to bed and said "You're being charged with being good in bed."

90 seconds later the charges were dropped due to lack of evidence.

Look Alike

From GoatToSelf

Why do all hot dogs look the same no matter where you see them?

They're all in bread.

Caring Doctor Boa

From War and Peas

What do you call a snake that's exactly 3.14 meters long?

A πthon