Some girl has stolen my phone and keeps taking naked selfies of herself.
It's getting out of hand, my photos backup file is getting full of them now.
Can someone help me track her down please?
I need to give her the charger before the phone runs out of power.
Each night she's on the balcony
He loves her from afar
His soft, sad eyes are hypnotised
She shines down like a star.
His heart will break forever
His kind can't have affairs
For Dachshunds with erections...
Can't climb stairs.
His home's a humble bungalow
And her's a penthouse flat
He cannot go where she can go
And that, they say. is that.
He never can be near her
Although she knows he cares
For Dachshunds with erections...
Can't climb stairs.
You want to win a woman?
Just be cool... be aloof
The dog who doesn't hit the stairs
Can make it to the roof.
The dog who doesn't care
Will be the dog who wins the day
You'll never get to heaven...
With your chopper in the way.
The spirit soars, the body falls
And heavy lies the heart
That cries out with the pain of love
Be still my broken part.
How painful is the passion
And painful the repairs
For Dachshunds with erections
Can't climb stairs.
by Les Barker
Me: "Do you mind if I leave work early?"
Boss: "Only if you can make up the time."
Me: "Okay, it's eleventy past twine."
I just bought some counterfeit Mr Kipling cakes.
I must say, they're exceedingly good fakes.
The pot hole outside my house was so big . . .
. . . it took six council workers to watch the guy who came to fix it.
I always loved my mum's parents, Pearl and Dean.
Of course, I knew them as Granny and Grandpapa-p'pa-p'pa-p'pa-pahpahpah.
