Attraction

From Mark Lynch

The Wi-Fi at home has been broken all weekend so I had to talk to my wife.

To my surprise, I learnt that she no longer works at Woolworths.

Johann Sebastian Bark

From Bliss

A man answers his door and finds a piano tuner waiting on the step.

“Can I help” says the man, “I haven't ordered a piano tuner”.

“I know you haven't” replies the piano tuner, “Your neighbours did for you”.

Tik Tok

I had a nightmare last night that my Tik Tok account was deleted

It was scary, because for a second, I thought I had a Tik Tok account.

Dumb Painters

From Jim Shoenbill

An artist has a 6 year old child who also likes to draw.

His child drew a horse.

The artist told him, "You drew the horse wrong."

The child replied, "How did I draw it wrong?"

The artist said, "Why does the horse have wings?"

The child replied, "Why can't it have wings?"

The artist said, "It isn't a horse if it has wings."

The child replied, "Then why did you call it a horse?"

Where Christopher Robin Played

From The Argyle Sweater

Why does Piglet always smell so bad?

Because Piglet is always playing with Pooh.

Catbucks

From Scott Metzger

From Scott Metzger

Instead of water, I put Red Bull in my coffee maker this morning.

I was halfway to work before I realized I forgot my car.

Waxing

From smbc

The inventor of wax strips has just died.

RIP