Where's Wall-E

For those of you who want some help:

Here's A Guide

And Here's A List Of Robots (That's Almost Complete)

Mmm Mmm Mmm Mmm

From Bizarro

Grammar Sheriff

From Cyanide and Happiness

Red

From LunarBaboon

Unspeakable Pachyderm

From Bizarro

As Good As This Bar Is

“As good as this bar is," said the Scotsman, "I still prefer the pubs back home. In Glasgow, there's a wee place called McTavish's. The landlord goes out of his way for the locals. When you buy four drinks, he'll buy the fifth drink."
 
"Well, Angus," said the Englishman, "At my local in London, the Red Lion, the barman will buy you your third drink after you buy the first two."
 
"Ahhh, dat's nothin'," said the Irishman, "back home in Cork at my favourite pub, the moment you set foot in the place, they'll buy you a drink, then another, all the drinks you like. Then, when you've had enough drinks, they'll take you upstairs and see dat you gets laid, all on the house!"
 
The Englishman and Scotsman were suspicious of these claims. The Irishman swore every word was true, but they asked,

"Did this actually happen to you?"
 
"Not meself, personally, no," admitted the Irishman,
 
 "But it did happen to me sister quite a few times".

ChatLine

From Bizarro

Cookery Terminology

Tags

From xkcd

Missing

From Bizarro

Naturism

From The Perry Bible Fellowship

Drinking To Forget

From Bizarro

Brill:     Why do you drink so much?
Martin: I drink to forget.
Brill:     That’s sad.
Martin: It could be a lot sadder.
Brill:     What could be sadder than drinking to forget?
Martin: I could forget to drink.
- Marty Brill and Dean Martin

Australian Cricket

What do you call an Aussie with a bottle of Champagne?
A waiter.
 
What do you call a world-class Australian cricketer?
Retired.
 
What do you call an Australian who can hold a catch?
A fisherman.
 
Why can no-one drink wine in Australia at the moment?
They haven't got any openers.
 
What is the difference between Cinderella and the Aussies?
Cinderella knew when to leave the ball.
 
What does an Australian batsman who is playing in The Ashes have in common with Michael Jackson?
They both wore gloves for no apparent reason.
 
Who spends the most time on the crease of anyone on the Australian cricket team?
The woman who irons their cricket whites.
 
What's the height of optimism?
An Aussie batsman putting on sunscreen.
 
What do you call a cricket field full of Australians?
A vacant lot.
 
What's the difference between an Aussie batsman and a Formula 1 car?
Nothing! If you blink you'll miss them both.
 
What's the difference between Michael Clarke and a funeral director?
A funeral director doesn't keep losing the ashes.
           
The Australian bobsleigh team have asked the Aussie cricket team for a meeting.
They want to ask their advice about going downhill so fast.

On A Scale Of 1 to 10

From xkcd

From Cyanide and Happiness

Facebook

From Bizarro

No Show

Passing On Phone Numbers

From Faceless

Mean Old Farmer Ben

From The Perry Bible Fellowship

One Track Mind

The room was full of pregnant women, with their husbands.
 
The instructor said:
 
"Ladies, remember that exercise is good for you.
Walking is especially beneficial.
It strengthens the pelvic muscles and will make delivery that much easier.
Just pace yourself, make plenty of stops and try to stay on a soft surface like grass or a path."
 
"Gentlemen, remember -- you're in this together. It wouldn't hurt you to go walking with her.
In fact, that shared experience would be good for you both"
 
The room suddenly became very quiet as the men absorbed this information.
 
After a few moments a man, name unknown, at the back of the room, slowly raised his hand.
 
"Yes?" said the Instructor.
 
"I was just wondering if it would be all right if she carries a golf bag while we walk?"
 
Brings a tear to your eye, doesn't it?   This kind of sensitivity just can't be taught.

-------------

Jim decided to tie the knot with his long time girlfriend.
One evening, after the honeymoon, he was cleaning his golf shoes.
His wife was standing there watching him.
After a long period of silence she finally speaks.
"Honey, I've been thinking, now that we are married I think it's time you quit golfing.  Maybe you should sell your golf clubs."
Jim gets this horrified look on his face.
She says, "Darling, what's wrong?"
He replied, "There for a minute you were sounding like my ex-wife."
"Ex wife!" she screams, "I didn't know you were married before!"
"I wasn't!"

Funerals

From Bizarro

From Bizarro

From Bizarro

Accident