Thursday, 31 December 2020
Ending In Tiers
Wednesday, 30 December 2020
Tuesday, 29 December 2020
Monday, 28 December 2020
Regifting
Sunday, 27 December 2020
Saturday, 26 December 2020
Friday, 25 December 2020
Covid Violation
What size of turkey do I need to cook for 12 people and possibly 2 police officers?
Safety Santa
Thursday, 24 December 2020
Naughty or Nice or . . .
I've heard that if you have relatives round on Christmas Day the police can force entry and make them go home. Do you think this is a free service or do you have to book?
Wednesday, 23 December 2020
Vaccines
Tuesday, 22 December 2020
Rule Of Six
Monday, 21 December 2020
Animal Masks
Sunday, 20 December 2020
Saturday, 19 December 2020
Friday, 18 December 2020
Thursday, 17 December 2020
Takes Place Now-ish
Wednesday, 16 December 2020
COVID Scented Candle
Tuesday, 15 December 2020
Updated Dewey Decimal
Monday, 14 December 2020
The First Accurate Horoscopes
Sunday, 13 December 2020
I Just Don't Trust Them
Friday, 11 December 2020
It's Coming
Wednesday, 9 December 2020
Monday, 7 December 2020
Substantial
Friday, 4 December 2020
Vaccine Development
Wednesday, 2 December 2020
Monday, 30 November 2020
Sunday, 29 November 2020
Stay Safe While Crossing To The Dark Side
Darth Vader was played by Green Cross Code man, but his voice was replaced by James Earl Jones, when he tried to sneak in the line 'Stop, Luke, and listen!' - Gary Delaney
Friday, 27 November 2020
Wednesday, 25 November 2020
Measuring Time
Germany is now advising people to stock up on cheese and sausages. This is called the Wurst Käse scenario.
Monday, 23 November 2020
Old Man Masks
A man takes his wife to get tested. Two days later, he gets a call from the lab.
Doctor: I'm sorry to inform you that your wife's test results were mixed up with another patient's. We're not sure if she has COVID-19 or Alzheimer's disease.
Man: So, what am I supposed to do now?
Doctor: Take her for a long walk and leave her. If she finds her way back home, don't open the door.
Friday, 20 November 2020
Countdown
Q: What have hairdressers, gyms and the tub of Quality Street in your mum's kitchen cupboard got in common?
A: None of them are allowed to be opened until December.
Wednesday, 18 November 2020
Weighty Issues
I've given up drinking until Christmas.
Whoops, bad punctuation.
I've given up. Drinking until Christmas.
Monday, 16 November 2020
Eye Test
COVID-19 Arrangements For Christmas
There will be no nativity this year because:
- the 3 Wise Men face a travel ban
- the shepherds have been furloughed
- the inn keeper has shut under tier 3 regulations and had a slump in bookings.
Santa won't be working as he would break the rule of 6 with Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen, Donner and Blitzen.
As for Rudolph, with that red nose, he should be isolating and taking a test.
Thursday, 12 November 2020
Pandemic Meetups
Me: Alexa, what's the weather going to be this weekend?
Alexa: Why? Where do you think you're going?
Tuesday, 10 November 2020
Sunday, 8 November 2020
Thursday, 5 November 2020
Mindfulness
Garden centres to remain open during lockdown, as they're famously quiet in the run-up to Christmas and mainly attract young people. - HIGNFY