Government says it remains focused on keeping R rate down, particularly where the R stands for ‘resignation’.
Sunday, 31 May 2020
Saturday, 30 May 2020
Friday, 29 May 2020
Thursday, 28 May 2020
Wednesday, 27 May 2020
Tuesday, 26 May 2020
Monday, 25 May 2020
Sunday, 24 May 2020
Lockdown Activities
In this drive to recruit thousands of people to pick fruit, I bet the cherry picking industry ends up with the best candidates. - Richard Osman
Saturday, 23 May 2020
Friday, 22 May 2020
Love In The Time Of Coronavirus
First it was, alcohol kills coronavirus. Then heat may kill it. Now direct sunlight may kill Covid. So, if you see me outside in my garden drunk, naked and laying in the sun, mind your own business; I'm conducting important medical research.
Thursday, 21 May 2020
Resupplying
From Close to Home by John McPherson
Boris: Work from home.
Me: Mum, Dad, would you like to buy some cocaine?
Wednesday, 20 May 2020
Normal Side Effects Of A Long Quarantine
Who would have thought that eight weeks of uncut hair would weigh a stone, but who am I to argue with the bathroom scales?
Tuesday, 19 May 2020
Like The Good Old Days
If you think you haven't achieved anything during lockdown, you're not alone. The rest of us also think you haven't achieved anything.
Monday, 18 May 2020
Saturday, 16 May 2020
Friday, 15 May 2020
Coronavirus Treatment
There are so many coronavirus jokes around at the moment. People are making them like there's no tomorrow!
Thursday, 14 May 2020
Coronavirus Problems
Apparently I should be using the time in quarantine to 'do some odd jobs around the house', so today I nailed all the cutlery to the fridge and then painted the lounge carpet.
Wednesday, 13 May 2020
Social Distancing Problems
The COVID-19 pandemic has been particularly stressful for Flat Earth Society members.
They fear that social distancing measures could push people over the edge.
Tuesday, 12 May 2020
Monday, 11 May 2020
Sunday, 10 May 2020
Saturday, 9 May 2020
Measured Reaction
From The Perry Bible Fellowship
Danny Zuni: 🎶 "I got chills, they're multiplying" 🎶
Sandy: *backing away*
Friday, 8 May 2020
2020 Recap
Breaking: Matt Hancock delivers his 100,000th daily coronavirus briefing*
*Number includes appearances he has yet to make, but has the capacity to.
Thursday, 7 May 2020
Wednesday, 6 May 2020
Isolating and Distancing
They say that in London you're never more than six feet away from some selfish jerk who refuses to follow advice on social distancing.
Tuesday, 5 May 2020
Monday, 4 May 2020
Sunday, 3 May 2020
Next Week's Forecast
As Iran announces controversial plan to reopen outdoor markets, experts describe the move as a bazaar decision.
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