A Horse Walks In To A Bar

From Bizarro

Quick Kids

TEACHER: Why are you late?
STUDENT: Class started before I got here.

TEACHER: John, why are you doing your maths multiplication on the floor?
JOHN: You told me to do it without using tables.

TEACHER: Glenn, how do you spell 'crocodile?'
GLENN: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L'
TEACHER: No, that's wrong
GLENN: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.

TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?
DONALD: H I J K L M N O.
TEACHER: What are you talking about?
DONALD: Yesterday you said it's H to O.

TEACHER: Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago.
WINNIE: Me!

TEACHER: Glen, why do you always get so dirty?
GLEN: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.

TEACHER: Millie, give me a sentence starting with ' I. '
MILLIE: I is..
TEACHER: No, Millie..... Always say, 'I am.'
MILLIE: All right.. 'I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.'

TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted it. Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn't punish him?
LOUIS: Because George still had the axe in his hand.....

TEACHER: Now, Simon , tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?
SIMON: No sir, I don't have to, my Mum is a good cook.

TEACHER: Clyde , your composition on 'My Dog' is exactly the same as your brother's.. Did you copy his?
CLYDE : No, sir. It's the same dog.

TEACHER: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
HAROLD: A teacher

The Fast Pace Of Modern Life

From xkcd

Teacup Holding Explained

Medical Distinction

Medical Distinction between Guts and Balls.

There is a medical distinction between Guts and Balls. We've all heard of people having Guts or having Balls. But do you really know the difference between them?

In an effort to keep you informed, here are the definitions:

 
GUTS - Is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being met by your wife with a broom in her hand, and having the guts to ask, "Are you still cleaning, or are you flying somewhere with your Mother?"
 
BALLS - Is coming home late after a night out with the chaps, smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the bum and having the Balls to say, "You're next, chubby."

I hope this clears up any confusion on the definitions.

Medically, speaking there is NO difference in the outcome.
 
 
 
Both are fatal.

Atheists

Mr. Fancy Pants

Knocked Down

From Teddy Tietz

From Teddy Tietz

Farewell To Arms

From Bizarro

Fastest Growing

From xkcd

Evolution Of God

From Teddy Tietz

Accountant Needed

This morning I saw an advert in my local newspaper that read:

ACCOUNTANT NEEDED!
£35,000 - £40,000

So I phoned them up and said, "The answer is -£5,000." Do I get the job?

When The Cat's Away

From The Doghouse Diaries

Microsoft League Table

My First Wall

From Teddy Tietz

Bumper Stickers For OAPs

Bad Medicine