My sightseeing trip to places of Greek mythological interest was very short. It was a Minotaur
My mate was arrested for punching some flatbread. He wasn't charged but he did get a wrap on the knuckles
What I thought was a picture of a steam pioneer was in fact a timelord. My wife said "It's not Watt, you know: it's Who, you know?"
I once met an Alien so I asked it why they are green and have weird round heads.
"We come in peas," it replied.
Who knew?
This Kinder egg is empty. No surprise there.
If I told you my crossword had the clue 'Royal Celebration (7)', would Jubilee fit?
I bought a novelty Wombles pepper mill recently. It was rubbish. Everything is either over-ground or under-ground.
My friend suggested a boating holiday to help with my gambling & stealing addiction. I thought it was worth a punt, so I took it.
Despite people saying it could never be done, I've perfected a beer made from dead weasels. So, ferret ales really can come true.
When my German grandfather was sick he swapped a sea bird for a sausage.
That's when he really took a tern for the wurst.
When buying a yacht it's important to get value for money, so make sure you wait until the sails are on.
The intern we hired to look for defects in fishing nets refuses to wear a rain coat. That intern net explorer won't work with a mac.
What's a pirate's favourite car? A Toyota Yarrrr is.
It's quite hard finding fuel for my new car because it runs on insect urine. Fortunately I live very close to a bee pee garage.
Russell Crowe is showing no remorse after admitting EATING an ex-girlfriend.
In fact he was heard saying he was glad he ate her.
