Niche

It’s hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs… because they always take things literally.

 

A Roman walks into a bar and asks for a Martinus…. “You mean a Martini?” the bartender asks. The Roman replies, “If I wanted a double, I would have asked for it!”

 

What do you get when you cross a joke with a rhetorical question?

 

How can you tell the difference between a chemist and a plumber? … Ask them to pronounce “unionized.”

 

Sixteen sodium atoms walk into a bar… followed by Batman.

 

Did you hear about the man who got cooled to absolute zero?… He’s 0K now.

 

Einstein, Newton and Pascal are playing hide and go seek. It’s Einstein’s turn to count so he covers his eyes and starts counting to ten. Pascal runs off and hides. Newton draws a one meter by one meter square on the ground in front of Einstein then stands in the middle of it. Einstein reaches ten and uncovers his eyes. He sees Newton immediately and exclaims, ”Newton! I found you! You’re it!”  Newton smiles and says “You didn’t find me, you found a Newton over a square meter. You found Pascal!”

 

An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first orders a beer, the second orders half a beer, the third orders a quarter of a beer, and so on. … After the seventh order, the bartender pours two beers and says, “You fellas ought to know your limits.”

 

There are two types of people in this world:… those who can extrapolate from incomplete data.

 

The other day my friend was telling me that I didn’t understand what irony meant. … Which is ironic, because we were standing at a bus stop.

 

Three logicians walk into a bar. The bartender asks, “Do all of you want a drink?”… The first logician says, “I don’t know.” The second logician says, “I don’t know.” The third logician says, “Yes!”

 

I’m thinking about selling my theremin… I haven’t touched it in years.

 

What does the “B” in Benoit B. Mandelbrot stand for?… Benoit B. Mandelbrot.

 

Schrödinger’s cat walks into a bar. And doesn’t.

 

Heisenberg was speeding down the highway. A cop pulls him over and says “Do you have any idea how fast you were going back there?” Heisenberg says, “No, but I knew where I was.”