If Internet Service Providers Sold Electricity

 

From Waynovision

 

Lo Fi

 

 

Tough Crowd

From TheArgyleSweater

 

Out Of Office

Surprise Surprise

 

From Bizarro

 

Brexit

From Richard Jolley

Farmyard Frolics

From Waynovision

Waiting for election results is like waiting for a grade on a group project.

I know I did my part right, but I am worried the rest of you screwed it up.

Writing Words In Alphabetical Order

 

 

Go Figure

 

From JimBenton

 

Love Hate

World's Greatest Dad

Busy Work

 

 

Trophy Hunter

 

From Buni Comic

 

Further Gary Delaney Jokes

My new boss told me he expects me to be on call 24/7 but I don't really mind as July 24th is ages away.

 

My nose was all clogged up this morning, so I gave it a really good blow and two wooden shoes popped out.

 

Grandad died when he was 62 turnips and 3 lollipops old. It's no age really is it?

 

I like induction as much as the next man.

 

I bumped into the man who invented selfies the other day, his face was a picture.

 

I lost my favourite biro, turned out it had climbed out the window, on the roof & jumped to another building. Last time I buy a Parkour pen.

 

Disappointed to find this so called 'English breakfast tea' doesn't have any sausage or bacon in it.

 

Delighted to hear my clever Scouse cousin's exam results today. He got 3A's and a 'Calm down, calm down'.

 

The hardest thing for medieval knights about wearing chainmail was they had to persuade 8 more knights to wear chainmail, and they had to...

 

The plural of 'irregular plural' is 'irregular plurals', which seems like a wasted opportunity.

 

One time my auntie Pat got together with a bloke called Pat, and they mutually annihilated each other.

 

There's less pedant's than their used to be.

 

Just seen a zebra trying to use a self-service till. That's not going to end well.

 

Statisticians can pretend to be nice in the short term but in the long run they always revert to mean.

 

Me: I now declare this bomb disposal school open *cuts red ribbon with giant scissors* Instructor: No, I said blue ribbon, BLUE!!' KABOOM!!

 

Once upon a time my girlfriend used to give me 'sex cheques' but of course nowadays it's all contactless.

 

A good ventriloquist's work speaks for itself.

 

'I would walk 500 miles, having checked with my doctor first and made sure I was wearing appropriate footwear' - The Disclaimers.

 

If you write '58008' on an iPad and turn it upside down, it says '58008'. And they call that progress.

 

A cure for premature ejaculation just can't come soon enough.

 

An estate agent showed me a lovely little semi this afternoon, that's the last time I go into a show home toilet without knocking.

 

Just seen a woman expressing milk, now that's what I call interpretive dance.

 

 

How Did You Use Your Powers Today?

From LunarBaboon

 

Dead Ringers

 

From Bizarro

 

Tentacle Twister

 

From TheArgyleSweater

 

El Che/Barto

 

From Matt Diffee

 

 

It's A Dog's Life

 

From JimBenton

 

Getting It Right

 



From Cyanide & Happiness

Hoorah For The Ducks

 

From Bizarro

 

How To Get A Free Taxi Ride

 

 

Good News, Bad News