Animals At Halloween

From Liz Climo

From Liz Climo

From Liz Climo

How Disease Spreads

From Buni Comic

Resist

From smbc

Emergency Pilot

From Faceless

Providing

From Sunny Street

Beelusion

From Bizarro

From Waynovision

Confused

From Poorly Drawn Lines

Charity Auction

I have a recently acquired the Banksy work shown below and am auctioning it for charity. Who'll start the bidding at £1,000,000?

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Bonus Content – a life well lived – you'll need a bit of time for this, and even then, I doubt you'll make it all the way through. Put the kettle on, pull up a comfy chair and settle back to learn about this unique man.

Rick Stein Obituary

Fountain Of Youth

BFF

From Buni Comic

. . . For your Thoughts

From Cyanide & Happiness

Polly Want A Cracker

From Bizarro

SpellCh'ck

The Surreal McCoy

Some More Gary Delaney Jokes

I hired a landscape gardener but he said that he couldn't help me because my garden is portrait.

I've just been cast as Oliver Twist, who could ask for more?

Do people who study sports science at university have to do sums on Wednesday afternoons?

I did terribly in the reverse parking on my driving test, but luckily I passed anyway and I haven't looked back since.

Barristers' wigs should really be called Judge Dreads.

I was in a sex shop and saw a dildo that was described as nine inches long and realistic; I asked, "Well which one is it then?"

'Hanging's too good for them' - My mum's extreme views on T-shirts.

A horse goes into a pub. The barman says why the long face? The horse says 'Because this is a Wetherspoons'.

I don't like to eat anything made out of reformed pork, because I think it's cruel to slaughter pigs just after they've got their lives back on track.

School is for loosers.

You say I only eat toast, but I say I get three square meals a day.

Apparently the winner of this year's London Marathon has been running since he was 5 years old, I reckon even I could finish it faster than that.

My granddad went down in history – and on one occasion fingered a girl in geography.

I recently entered a competition to see who's gained the most weight and lost the most hair, obviously it wasn't called that, it was advertised as a 'School Reunion'.

I dented my car recently so I took it down the body shop for repairs, and now it looks lovely but smells of white musk.

Acronyms should just be called A's.

I put on lots of weight so I called weight watchers and told them that it's an emergency, can you send someone round. They say – yes we can, we've got loads of them.

The more I read about confirmation bias, the more I think it might be true.

You're not supposed go swimming less than an hour after eating, and that's why I've never been swimming.

My Doctor said I should get my stomach stapled. I was so flattered that he still thinks I've got it in me to be a Playboy Centrefold.

I'm doing a half marathon! The half I'm doing is the carb loading.

My girlfiend's a cat person.

She's got fishy breath, shits in a tray and disappears for days at a time.

And Serena Williams remains unseeded for another year. I can't help thinking that a bit of lipstick and a push up bra . . .

I'm beached body ready.

I used to leave so many lights on at work that I was named Employee of the Moth.

In the 80s we didn't have noise cancelling headphones, so instead we just used to play blank tapes really loud.

I was watching tv and the announcer said that there was a documentary about the g-spot on the red button – but I couldn't find it.