I recently took my naval exams. I got seven Cs.
To a pearl the world is their oyster.
The tensest crowd I've ever seen was at the funeral of the man who invented the Jack-in-the-box.
One time I took a sleeper train, but it got activated and I woke up in Moscow.
One time I was lucky enough to see Fats Domino in concert, unfortunately he fell over, and then the rest of his band fell over too.
I recently took my apiary exams. I got a B.
I can't believe today is national premature ejaculation day already. It comes quicker every year.
Needless speech marks are bad enough, but unnecessary apostrophes are grocer.
I just tried to use the Turing Test website but I couldn't get past the I'm Not a Robot screen.
I'm not saying I was a geeky at school, but I once turned a picture of a topless woman upside down to see if it said 58008.
Statisticians seem nice at first but in the end they always revert to mean.
I went for a job with EasyJet. They said where do you see yourself in 5 years time? I said 50 miles away from where I claimed I was going, and they gave me the job.
Boxing gloves don't have fingers so they should really be called boxing mittens.
They say every cigarette takes 11 minutes off your life, and it's true. When I started smoking I was 84.
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